Good evening everyone,
Today was moderately cold spring weather. Dressed in my winter coat, I had a cup off coffee at de Boed's terrace.
*
Today, and this entire week, actually, I felt like picking up chores again and me and care staff cleaned the home. It's still messy, but it's clean for now and something to be proud off for me. I'm clean myself, the home is tidy, the kitchen is tidy, and I feel better. If there hadn't been a bulb off styrofoam attached to the window. I was on and on how 'the enemy had placed a drone.' on my window, to steal good ideas from my mind. But health care convinced me it was styrofoam, not a mini-drone eavesdropping. And we removed the thing. I still got on my mind 'how they want to steal ideas from me.'
I'm an idiot, I had one off these litterally published in the newspaper with my name under it recently. But sometimes I think they want more, and come to steal it while I speak or write them out.
But the wobbly feeling from the previous three weeks? It's gone. I'm not as unstable anymore. Though I feel I have to be carefull. I'm still doing hard and am a bit off-minded.
I think after the war is over, I have to recover from it. It got quite the best off me, to be honest. I'm so brilliant to have followed it for a while. Also impressive stories about machinery and incidents there. It's exciting, but I didn't realise it's also traumatizing to a point where your mind gets too full off it, and your system beggs you to stop with it. I can't read the stories in the newspaper anymore. And not follow the news on it anymore. I personally would like to, 'to stay informed.' (And because it's exciting like a book or a movie. But that makes me noisy about a real life happening.) But it's too much, and real life requires too much off me these days.
We have issues at de Boed. I don't want to talk about it, since I might get trouble when I get caught. But let's keep it at loss off staff members who went to work elsewhere, and them stopping to provide lunch and dinner. It's quite a thing. I hate it as much as my fellow clients and you can guess the ambience isn't so nice these days. I think it also helps the wobbly feeling. We usually are dependant on them for our food. They told us they will look for a solution, but for now, it's causing trouble among everyone and it makes everyone restless and on their toes. Life is already hard enough for a psychiatric patient without a war and a crisis going on.
It was pretty handy to have them cooking for me when I felt wobbly, and it's been a relative small amount off money for agreeable meals. (It did not come for free, but what in life does?) I can't say it was always good food, but I had food on the table thanks to it.
I can cook myself, I can cook pretty well, but the mess I make with it is troublesome and when I'm 'like that.' a meal is almost impossible. It's stressive. de Boed doesn't do well for it's clients these days. Also since two staff members have been called long- term sick, and their replacements aren't to everyone's taste. And mealtime as it is? We have to get our meals in plastic bins, and eat them at home. Due to lack off staff in the evening. It's a rathouse at the moment, and I think it will get worse once they stop providing meals.
There, I've said it.
And my big pride, Wednesday Soup, will probably not excist in it's current form anymore when they do so. You don't need to have a gift to be capable to foresee it's going to be a mess and a dissaster for me and my fellow clients. They will cancel our meals starting in May.
I have to share my tea, my peanutbutter and my soup at lunch time, but at least I don't starve to death due to their cheap service. All clients, no exception, hate the idea. It's due to participating, and people making more use off their own capabilities, a lot off right-winged politicall blatter which we can't live up to. It's exhausting.
This week is for fresh tomato soup for Wednesday Soup. From Belgian top chef Seppe Nobles. It's just that the ambience at de Boed is exhausting due to it being so incredibly negative, and people and staff always getting into discussion and pressure on staff and clients. Being on their terrace is not the 'South off France.' feeling anymore I loved about it.
And they want to make activities mandatory. I, for example, liked to be there just for coffee and reading the newspaper but now you have to participate in something to be allowed to stay there. Honestly, in my life I tried, I can paint, but my talent lays in the kitchen. I see Wednesday Soup as participating, aside to swimming. But knitting, crotchet, puzzleing, Rummikub, are too muff for me to participate in. And it's what they do. I like to sit around and chit-chat and read the news. But I got some sort off Anthedonia that keeps me from doing hobbies somehow. I don't like the 'mandatory.' thing about it. What they do is what old ladies do. But that's their main audience. I don't have anything against old ladies, but I'm too young for their hobbies. They have music and Bingo, and that's fun to participate in, but the handcraft hobbies? I can't set myself to it. I'm sorry. Just coffee and the newspaper is enough for me.
It's strange how in my old hobby, the Fantasy world, handcrafting things was also a plight. But it was a standard I could not live up to. I could do jewelry making and colouring mandalas. I'm not too bad at it. But I just can't set myself to it. My head is too full. Fantasy hobbies are too much for me at the moment. Reasding, watching, gaming, handcrafting- Naw, I turned into a blind common lady. (A spiritual one, but still, as common as an every day slice off bread.) Fantasy is too much, since I quit with it and my head is too full for it. I might have become boring. Just a woman who reads the newspaper and who makes outstanding, delicious soups each week. And due to the crisis, I look plain and cheap. But it's all I can set myself to at the moment. It's said to be a fire-sign thing. Sometimes, the fire to be creative is out. In a Leo, a lot has had to happen for that. Since we are known to be creative people. But the fire is out for handcrafts and I'm not suitable to knit. But I think they are going to kick me out after coffee time on monday morning for doing nothing. It's not so bad, I can hang around in my own home and I love my home.
But you probably see, it's a bit much going on with us at the moment. Mandatory participating sucks at this moment. de Boed is exhausting. My mental health does not like it. And it's not good for the clients. it's a mess.
I hope it all will be solved soon, but it's hard. Maybe I'm going to take off from de Boed untill it's fixed. I don't know what I'm about to do then, it's hard in a fogged mind to figure out. But this mess doesn't do well to me.
Allright, that's about it for now-
Thank you for reading.
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