Good evening at the 30th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been your typicall sweaty swamp weather. Moderately warm after hot days, it's been brotheling. 

*

Something in me fears romance is death. This world could use more real time romance, but people are usually NOT romantic in the sweet, classically way. So baking something romantic and presenting it romantic it is. And they talk about it weeks after, since they enjoyed it. 

But usally, it's as dry as the streetbricks in old Zaandijk, though the surrounding is very romantic. Maybe we're not the right people for actuall cute romance. Fairytale miracles in our lives. We're not that it when it comes to looks. Old, ugly and saggy as we are. It's not preferable for romance. 

'Romance?' *Points at chocolate banana cake.* 'There you got your romance.' And I'm probably right. More romantic than that it won't get around here. 

When a hot mature wizard drives by, he's just on his way for work. 'Out off his way, Bitch!' But don't expect something better than that to happen here. The streets look very romantic, but most people could do better. Maybe I got it a bit in my head. Something in me longs for 'romantic.' at this moment. Something nice, cute and spontaneous. But more than coffee I can't expect. And coffee here got served at steady times. It's not spontaneous. Longing for romance is a death end, probably. 

Maybe the reason why sensitive youth longs for manga and anime all the time. The rest off life is so incredibly dry. As shallow as a dry fart. 

I'm not talking about sex. I think that's not the point. I'm talking about sweet old romance. I think the commercial off a fantasy event is also beyond the point off 'spontaneous romantic.' And the people there are not romantic. I rather find them a bit dry outside the events. As shallow as a dry fart? Most off them. Is it preferable? Does it dress up real life? Does your heart sing in real life? If the answer is no, then I'd suggest you to put some romance in real life. Not on an alcohol or drug base, but on a fun base. Maybe you could play a song and dance with your beloved to it in the living room. To dance togheter in the living room is a nice idea. Or if you don't have a beloved: Play the music anyway, and fantasize. But what do I know? I don't have a beloved. 

I better opt for my lust & romance on toast in the morning. That's how it always goes. It's the after shock to that crush that makes me long for the romantic. But I'm mad in my head if it gets too strong. I better don't listen to that. Life lacks real romance. 

Allright, that's about it for now, 

Thank you for reading.  

 

Good morning at the 30th off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's too dark toninght to see the weather outside. 

*

I would like to talk about moods. Nowadays people might do hard keeping good moods due to the crisis. I decided to keep a good, appropriate but cheerfull mood instead off a gloomy one. 

You see, I come from a home with a very sick dad who died in 2012. I have been taught to make something good out off a bad period, no matter what, but in a tastefull way. Not overly bright and partyhardy, no thank you, but in a 'Let's play good music and share cake while you can.' kinda mood. It lasted quite some time, and I became a mental patient afterward. But despite all off that, I decided to continue to have fun and wear nice enough clothes, have my home nicely decorated, go to have meals outside, and play good music. It kinda still does well to my mood. And I decided to continue that during these days. 70's, 80's, 90's, 00's hits- including the real dance smashes and the upbeat work, still do it for me. It works to keep on brightening my mood. And I can recommend those hits to most people. 

I survived several crisises before in my life, and the same mindset helps me to cope with this one. Even including keeping a somewhat fun life. doing nice things and so on. It helps to not let our spirits being let down by the Russians. I don't want to sound too bright and cheerfull, but simply not to be affected too much by it is winning half the war I think. I'm a survivor, not much off a bright life liver, but it works to keep on doing well these days. I would be nowhere without my care home, but aside to this, it's music, singing, baking, the internet, bullet journaling, that keeps me from being cranky. Speaking off which, I prepared a cake from a cake box a fellow client bought me. I dolled it up with bananas and chocolate. 

And it's served on a nice cake plate. These sort off things keep the fun and the good spirits in my life. I'm not a partygoer, I'm not festive in general, but my spirits aren't wrecked enough by this crisis to feel down by it. I can withstand this. I feel 'I can do it.' when it comes to it. 

I hope you can take my advice, and maybe you can bake, sing or listen to upbeat music a little more yourself. Music really is the key. It helps! Just like journalling and doing bullet journal things: 

Drawing isn't so pricey, I assume most off you still own their drawing pencils, papers and markers, and can doodle a few images to relief stress. To me it helps to make clear what I got on my mind. To make images off teksts, or to draw manga cartoon-like what my issue is. It works to keep on being cheerfull. Silly and uplifting as it is. It's a method for the soul to survive during harsh times. 

And simply to have it good works. I'm not poor, and I have savings. I saved during my lifetime, ever since being 16, for god knows what, and it works for these days. My accountant sees me as rich enough to be granted a lot off money and it's no issue each time I ask for an extra. I have an accountant to take care off my bills. To protect me against myself when it comes to that, to make sure bills are paid and I don't over-spend during delusions, but I have been taught to be sober by my parents. So here I am, all warm and cozy during this crisis with a nice amount off savings on the bank she granted me to use nowadays. Bewindvoering, as how it's called in Dutch- it works for sober people who are clever with money. I don't believe in 'living day to day.' I believe in 'Thinking off the long term.' And take care off it. It helps. It makes me feel so much more stable during these days to know I'm not poor. You won't see me over-spend, but I take profit off earlier mindfullness. 

It works to keep a good mood. Poor as the streetbricks as I'm supposed to be, I can live. And to be alive during a big fat crisis means the golden oldies in music and baking for me. And a sane spending level, as usuall. But it doesn't mean it can't be fun, or has to be rigidly bad mooded. It's not a celebration, it's appropriate to be humble, but to keep your spirits bright: Sing, listen to music, bake, doodle in bullet journals, and have a bit off fun. Emotions need creative air. It's my advice for this morning. 😉     

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 27th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been bright and sunny. And over 25 degrees celsius. Not much off a weather for me. 

*

I wonder if people dress and groom more tidy when they still live at their parents'. A lot off people my age and older still live in their parental home in the Netherlands due to the home crisis, this country lacks homes for starters. I have been wondering if people look more groomed to their parents' demands. I myself can slack and be ugly as I please, at home mom wasn't fond off it. Not that I look untamed or bad, I try to do well up to a basic, and I got that managed for now. But people at their parental homes might have to behave a little better when it comes to that. 

Today I'm a bit better than the 'Adult pagan male gaze.' (To a point where he would not be ashamed to be seen with me in public.) mode. I wore a berry shade summer dress, and I had my toe nails polished a bright fuchsia in black flipflops, and shaved leggs. Tip-top for a summer day. I could even flaunt with my toenails to a fellow client during coffee service. I don't lazily slack it anymore. But it's up to a basic for a female at this point. It's not pagan colours, but fancy nice female colours. I got complimented over it all the time. They liked my dress. And my coffee service was good as usuall. 

But things I wonder about. Just like the quetion what the economic crisis actually contains for most people, and what they actually do bad with. It's a bit vague since I think most people do well. Maybe that's due to this being a rich country. Most people don't look as ratchet as the images with the bad hair on Pinterest, and they're fed and well-dressed. They wear make-up and their hair looks good. It might be a little less splendorous than a few years ago, but I think we manage. So it's not that clear where the problems lay. We have to take it sober, it's not a celebration, but I think most working people get by well enough. They say they have to think twice over a spending, and less vacations, and use their minds, but maybe this country is too rich to let itself being knot by this crisis. The real problems don't show up here. I consider 'less luxurious make-up' not as a real problem. Just like the over-dose off jeans jackets and the basic 00's clothes. We're dressed well enough in my opinion. And so to say, I never liked all that 10's make-up to begin with. Maybe I'm a bit naive, or just lucky. I'm not in my 30's without a home, or financialy to the ground, or bankrupt. But I don't mention too big trouble when it comes to an economic crisis. Maybe they should do more research to the actuall problems. But maybe that's just me. What I do mention: Less luxurious bakings, no fancy cookbooks, and I'm lucky to be your typicall old fashioned sober Dutch woman, otherwise I would have mentioned. If you don't blindly follow trends and use your mind, it's doable. But maybe I'm too simple and too easy with it. I never digged into luxurious make-up or fancy fashion trends to begin with. 

But do parental home dwellers have to adapt to their parents' will when it comes to grooming? If I would have stayed this fat at home, mom would have hated me for it, just like the make-up. And some time back at depression point was just not possible there without their annoyance. I think people have to adapt more at their parental homes. 

Something in me thinks we're not over with it yet. So we have to over-think it all a little more. Maybe I'm too easy with it. Or even blind. But it's not too hard for me. I think one off the first things after this crisis, is splendorous layers off make-up back in fashion. Just like how most women love it. But I think, and maybe I'm a bit harsh, now's the time for real beauty to proove itself. Sometimes, real beauty simply is and can withstand a trend like this. Just too bad for the actually ugly faces. But that's how it is. We could try to accept ourselves for who we are more. And learn to love our faces, including beauty and flaws in an era that's less drag-queen like. It's more to my personal liking. We are what we are without pretence. I think it's soo much better to be honest. But maybe I'm cheering a bit too early. Some women simply swear by make-up. And a crisis won't teach them off. But I learned a long time ago 'we are what we are.' As long as we're truly clean and basically groomed. Simply plucked eyebrows, a shaven body, clean skin and tidy nails. And clean cut hair. It's as hard and as simple as that for a female human being. I'm a fan off hairdye if you need it, but I myself prefer not to get too harsh on myself. (I do dye, though.) Make-up is NOT important. We are what we are. There's nothing wrong with nice make-up, I like to flaunt with fancy toenails, too, but it's preferable not to get too obscene or insane with it in my opinion. 

Maybe it's from a poor psychiatric patient's point off vieuw people don't seem to do bad. And I cheer for less make-up, and I wonder how people my age have to do at their parental homes when it comes to grooming. Other than that, this wasn't such a bad day. I had the luck to swim after coffee service. It's great to swim on a hot day. 💖 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

     

   

Good evening at the 16th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was fresh and dreary for a day in June. 

*

This afternoon not much special happened, just that my cake got served fancy at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. 

The lemon- poppyseed cake was perfect, I like this baking mix with organic ingredients. I'm often not specific after organic, it's just that it happens to be. And it was perfect. Tastes perfect, and an original baking method. Dille & Kamille Utrecht sells it. It's really good. 

Tonight is for take away pizza. And a pint off Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I don't feel capable to cook dinner tonight. I feel too lame to cook. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 16th off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today is cloudy and changing in the Netherlands, and it's preferable to me when it comes to temperature. It's only 15 degrees celsius, but I like that, since I don't do well in hot weather, so a day with a moderate temperature is to my liking. I don't even mind rain. As long as it's not too hot outside. I'm obese with a pale skin. So I don't mind a cool summer. 😓

*

Yesterday was for baking a lemon poppyseed- cake, with home made glaze. 

It's ment as an afternoon treat for today with our afternoon coffee. It's from a baking mix from Dille en Kamille which required sunseed-olive oil, (Like I used.) 5 eggs and two lemons, and offcourse icing sugar if you wish to do it perfect with lemon glaze. And offcourse cake is the best made a day ahead, and stored overnight in your fridge, and what I like: Served on a nice cake plate. These rectangulair plates don't sell under the term 'cake plate.' But that's what I make off them. I don't see any other use to them than a serving tray for home made cake. And they do well for that use. It's truly nice and chique when it's served like this this afternoon. I still make watery lemon glaze. I could practice that a little more. 

It will be shared this afternoon during coffee time. 

To eat something nice on Sunday doesn't come from the church, like you would expect, it comes from a royal decrete which stated that commoners where allowed to eat poultry on Sunday during the 1500's era, since there was an over-population off poultry in Europe. And the king wanted to get rid off it like that. Ever since, it's a use to dine or eat luxury on Sunday. There was a time where I couldn't, and I still don't do so every Sunday. It's a bit unhandy, but sometimes it's what falls by the way, and at de Boed the food was just too dry and boring. Also on sundays. Just too bad, but I took it. Since I thought I was dependant, and then that tone in their voice we 'better could be gratefull.' and we had no choice. Since I've learned I have a choice, I think I don't like to go back to such a situation again. It's abuse off people to do dinner like that with them.  

Sunday afternoon at de Boed means nothing more than a baking from me with coffee time and a sportsgame on TV for them. I don't like sport, it's usually very boring on Sundays there. It's been like that ever since.  

This Sunday will be as endless, boring, fresh and dreary as the usuall. Maybe you mind I use the same plates and dishware all the time, but it's an expensive time, so I hope the audience forgives me it's been this kitchenware for a long time. I have the philosophy that kitchen ware goes a long time with if you don't throw it on the floor. On purpose or by accident. So it's in use for some time. A way to be sober during crisis era. I've had this cake plate for longer than 5 years now. But it's still not too bad, it's still fancy enough to fullfill my desire in serving stuff in a nice way. Aside with baking, I like to frumpily serve bakings on nice plates. It gives such a good impression on people. Even if it's just staff and fellow clients. Usually it makes their day a bit better. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

   

     

Good evening at the 13th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was dreary and cold, but at least it wasn't too hot outside for a day in June. I don't mind the cold. It's just that the spinach is ruined according to the newspaper, and farmers complain. But it's not to my concern soon. 

*

This morning was for the second turn off coffee serving at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk. I'm good at it, and my service is perfect. I don't like to brag, but they are very content with me. If I seem to brag, it's actually the truth. Baking and coffee service are in good hands with me.

It's only for once a week every Thursday morning, so I have a volunteer job again. My coffee is good according to the coffee crowd. We only miss a jar filled with at least three kinds off cookies every morning, like once before. But it's because Leviaan doesn't allow cookies in the morning anymore. Since we have 'to eat breakfast instead, and not eat cookies for breakfast.' Like some seemed to do... And 'For our health.' But it's a bit cold, offcourse. And maybe three kinds off cookies is a bit expensive these days. Cookies and treats are 'only for the afternoon!' but they only had space on Thursday morning. I like it, despite the lack off cookies. 

I still got those good old fashioned school service skills. Though I thought I was the slowest and the most dumb at first when I was only 16, at de Boed it seems to suit me at coffee service. And offcourse, I have been a trainee at 17 and 18, but that's for serious ass public service at the government. More than 10 years ago, still my service skills are good. And offcourse, I have been a receptionist at a daycare centre for some time. I nail public service. I could not make a real job out off it, but this... like explaining A B C to a grown up to me. And it's fun. I have to admit, I love it. Aside to that, what's better than making people happy with fresh coffee every morning? 😉 I love making people happy. 

The only thing is that I can't wear make-up during coffee service, since it's short before swimming. And I wear my bathingsuit underneath my clothes, so bad posture. I'm glad they don't mind. I do such bright and shiny coffee service, it's fine with them. And I'm allowed to drink coffee myself during coffee service, so no nice and bright stuff on my lips. Lipstick at public service can be a bit more bold than a supermarket nude. But I go swimming afterward, so I can't. And smudging it on cups is not a good idea. No make-up comes in more handy. But maybe even red statement lipstick for coffee service? 'Put it straight, simple and with a smile.' Like how they say it. 

It was fun today. Using my skills again. Though it's with this. And swimming a few laps. I was all tired and wrecked when comming home, so I ordered pizza for tonight. My sickness was in the way off cooking. Ordering pizza allowed me to lay in bed for some time before dinner, and after dinner. I'm sooo tired from today. 

I'll end this weblog here. I'm very tired. I'm proud I got a job again. 💖

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

  

Good evening at the 9th off June, 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was nice but not too hot. 

*

Lust?!! You can get your lust on toast tomorrow morning! What ideal off love and desire are you acting out on? Something vague, something supersticious, but NOT something beautifull. What if the Witchmaster has spelled you to begin with? DON'T! 

I think I've read 'You can get your lust on toast tomorrow morning!' Somewhere before. It means something along the lines off 'Forget it!' But maybe something has thought that out. Maybe it was me. But it's familiair to me. I can't find it anywhere on the internet. But I'll follow the idea. Simply to keep my mind clear, since it's ridiculous. It's difficult. Like not eating candy for a sugar addict, or not smoking for a cigarette addict. But I'm down to earth enough to keep clear. If you see it, you'd be like 'Huh? Falling for that man?' But to me it 'is.' Just like picking a stuffed animal from a typicall shop window. 'Awww... he's just perfect!' Falling for that typicall item you just need to have. But it's too much to owe up for. I can't bring up the costs. He's sooo awesome! Simply irresistable. But honest? 'Lust?!! You can get your lust on toast tomorrow morning!!!' Let's not sugarcoat: It's impossible. 

Actually, I don't see him all that much, it's a bit blown up. It's such a big bubble surrounding something so tiny. It's delusional almost. Just imagination and it makes no sense. It's like I 'get.' it a bit better. But it's hard. Simply because 'The Idea.'  off that man is so appealing and sexy. My mind barely gets over with it. It's the whole concept. But it's as impossible as buying a house. 

I cleaned the home with help from a care taker yesterday. It's better today. I have painted my nails a shade red, according to the Vogue trend guide. Burnt Orange by HEMA. Maybe I should grow my hair again. To have cut it this frumpy might not have been the best idea. But it's been a fashion haircut. To wear or not to wear statement red lipstick? Maybe I should go back to that 90's nude I have been wearing for 4 years to the supermarket every Monday. Though bright statement red is still cool. But I barely see people with it out on the streets. I think to play it more safe with 90's nude is better. This is Zaanstad, and people prefer to play it safe here. I see people wearing bubblegum pink on their lips, to be honest. I think that's on trend. 

I don't own it yet, but I own some cool lipglosses. Maybe I should play it really safe, and do clear lipgloss. For the time being and not knowing what to wear on my lips. Or just the 90's nude and a good mascara. It's safe and cool enough. It's my go-to supermarket look. 😉 I'm pretty steady in it, to my suprise. The surrounding thinks it's pretty. I hadn't had complaints about it yet. And these people are narrow minded. Maybe the bright red statement lips are more for the younger generations. Some women crave red lipstick every often, I'd rather wear the 90's nude. Well applied, so it's making my lips prettier without being overly visible. Really, I have been over-thinking lipstick half a weblog. 😒 I should do what I feel, and it's 90's nude. Sometimes it's really simple. 

This is my go-to shade. And I'm nice and lady-like with it. 😉 Shade 41, Canal House Brick. 

I should end it here. Otherwise I keep going on about lipstick. Superficial as it is. It's just that it's really my personal day-to-day favourite. But that's me. 😏

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

              

Good evening at the 9th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny yet on the fresh side. 

*

I feel the atmosphere is as thick as snow somehow. Loaded, it's full. I could stand on it if I would like. Verbally, I don't know where that feeling comes from. It's not to my liking. 

I shared some Wacky Cake today at de Boed, community centre in Zaandijk, and I think I did well to it. 

It was nice for a try out on something. Simple as it was. My fellow clients enjoyed it, and we could have two servings since there where little people at de Boed today. Though the tray was left empty. That's my biggest pride: Happy eaters and empty trays. But today was a calm day at de Boed. I think I did well on sharing, otherwise it would have been boring there. That's how Sundays always are: boring, a baking, and a sports game. For others, tonight will be for the Grand Prix, but I'm not into sports. Though it's the usuall Sunday before the crisis: A boring as hell Boed, provided a baking by me, and the others having nothing to do but looking ahead to the sports game, wheter it be Grand Prix, Ajax Amsterdam or even ice skating- whatever is on that day. But most off the time- boring! 

I feel the air is loaded. I just can't help it. I'm washed, clean, and got my pyjama's on. I pictured some Margarets at the side off the road at Gortershof, I think they look cute. 

  

Sometimes, it's the best Nature's gift when wild flowers start to appear and bloom out off nowhere. My mom had an unexpected sunflower in her backyard once. And these are almost our gifts. It's a bit unruly. A bit untamed, but I think it's nice. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 9th off June, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's sunny yet cool enough to be acceptable for me. 

*

This afternoon was for a syrup waffle pancake with caramel syrup at a hotel restaurant terrace with overvieuw on de Zaanse Schans. 💖

Aside from my new found national pride, it's been fun to be there, enjoying the ambience and the surrounding, and the tourists, and having this delicious pancake. It was sooo good! I love the taste off caramel. It's just too good. It's been Joie de Vivre but Dutch at it's finest. Some time ago, I was after 'Joie de Vivre.' As how the French call it. I think the tourist restaurants and de Zaanse Schans all serve it, integrit and nice as it is there. It's the green grass, the trees, the river Zaan, something classically delicious at a terrace at an antique place, an antique overvieuw and the feeling that tomorrow everything will be allright. It's soothing, it's comforting. It's how life should be. These antique roads are sooo to my liking. I don't mind at all to live here. 

It's even cooler it's on trend. I think other people will laugh last when they're all in the sun at Creete, Greece, with their working ass again, and prices and sunshine can't be better. And the trend is the Mediterrenean ancient. And I can't join simply because I can't work or travel. (For example) But for now, I'm very good with Dutch being on trend. And I'm proud the world seeks comfort during this time in my culture. I think we can provide if they're into it. It's not much better than that, and I think they'll ditch after it's done. But for now? Very cool! I just say that because I live here. A certain coincidence by accident, and here I am, on spot. Don't ask how, or why. But it happened. And 'Just like that.' it can be over. And we're not only poor, but also out off fashion. But that's for later. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Edit: The 'waitress.' Dressed in an old fashioned Dutch farm lady costume, was a young edgy gay man. This is what the signs at the tables all said: 

I think he did well on his job, and I think he was cool. It's cool, since this country is tolerant. 💖 It's so nice to sit there, I'm going to do so more. 💖

 

Good afternoon at the 8th off June, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's sunny and fresh outside. It's nice for it not to be too warm. 

*

This morning was for preparing Wacky Cake. A 1930's Great Depression invention from the United States. It's very easy to prepare, and it's without butter, milk or eggs. It comes down to weighing off everything, and mixing all ingredients directly in a bowl with a fork, or if you're fancy, a whisk. Then baking for half an hour, letting it cool and prepare frosting, and you got this: 

 

If you can bake, it turns out something like this. It's ment for de Boed's afternoon coffee tomorrow afternoon. I used baking parchment for my own feeling off safety, I feared it would stick to the sides if I hadn't. But according to the receipe, you don't have to. Though that didn't feel safe enough. I think I will picture a slice on a pastry plate with a cup off coffee tomorrow, and put that on here. I think, if it's truly good, I can use this receipe even more, also when the crisis is done. It's funnily simple. And strictly seen, it's vegan, even. I got it from 'Baking YesterYear.' I got inspired for it, since we're in a crisis nowadays. So I took inspiration from the 1930's. Baking is still fun. And it helps setting my mind off off things. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good morning at the 8th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

This morning it's cloudy and fresh. 

*

It's 07.00 AM, I washed up the kitchen, and put laundry in the machine. I still got good brand laundry softner. And laundry wash. I'm a bit early, but in Zaandijk, people got up early and do things. Already on their chores early in the morning. What I sometimes do is not so strange, though it's less than some time ago. I have a pot off green tea in front off me this morning. 

The home is still a mess. The care taker who helps me with that is on a vacation, but throughout the week, I did my chores. It's not filthy, but it's such an unclear mess at this moment, it's difficult for me to tidy up. It's part off my handicaps. 

Zaanse Schans lends itself well for nice classic Dutch kitchenware when it comes to showing off my war-time nationalism. I should prepare a cake on the cute windmill tray first, before I purchase new ones. Maybe I should wake up first, I'm still a bit heavy in my head from sleeping. And tired from our trip to de Zaanse Schans. Classic Dutch vintage cooking is in fashion when it comes to cooking. I have never seen it being on trend before as much as nowadays. They fill magazines with it almost twice a year at the local supermarket. But it's because during the Foodie- era, people really put their heart in it, and made it delicious compared to the actuall classics. It's usually the classics like stamps, soup or other things, but made very tastefull. It's not fit for international cuisine yet, but they made something out off it. (You can't call it haute cuisine, but it's comfort food at it's best.) 

de Boed always made it so boring and tasteless. It was almost a scandal so nasty. If you wish to prepare our cuisine, it should be made to taste nice. It should be part off your national pride to do so. And it's not tained to the right-winged. Left winged can love the antiques just as much. Just like cooking. I think they pulled it too much to them. 'It's right-winged to prepare awesome Dutch classics.' And the people took it like that. But I don't want it to have that stamp. Antiques should be widely cherished by the people. 

Maybe it's because classic Dutch is for everyone, it's so populair nowadays. Not just the populair kids, but the middle-aged and their famlies, the ugly tourists, the standard people, the retired, the odd ones out, the whole wide world- It's not edgy, tough there are a lot off cool young people among them nowadays, but it's so cozy, sober and comfortable for a crisis, litterally everyone seems to love it and puts some sort off comfort out off us nowadays so it seems. It's almost as if it's en vogue, but that's a bit weird. Just like how André Rieu is fit for litterally everyone, and not just the cool young people. But it's THE best selling tour worldwide. Still, I think it's awesome. And sure, there is a cozy 'everyone is accepted.' but in a normal way at de Zaanse Schans. And Dutch should not be overly expensive. It's never been as crowded as nowadays there. But it's a cool thing. 

I'm going to end it here for this morning. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

         

Good evening at the 7th off June, 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

It's been nice weather today. 

*

Yesterday I had a voice. She said, while I had take away pizza, that everyone who considers themselves too smart or too mature for take away pizza and 90's kiddie pop actually isn't because it's big fun. Especially if they never do so because they're 'Too smart.' for it. I think it's probably my own thought. 

Problem is, the voice took the shape of a real life woman, almost present standing here, trying to keep me from her bunny-plates, or something off the like. I keep on seeing plates with bunnies in my closet. They're a bit kitch, It's a bunny template that repeats itself on each plate. I think I'm just weird since it's not my general taste. Why would I put plates with cute bunnies in there? Am I senile? Will I become senile? And the woman in front off me was like 'That's the utmost tip off everything with you!' ('Dat is wel echt het toppunt.') I love nice plates. But I don't have a taste in bunny plates. How did they get to this closet? Really, something weird. But she stated that to me. 'Everyone who considers themselves too smart for take away pizza and 90's kiddie pop and who doesn't do so out off that feeling, actually isn't. Because it's big fun.'  

Aside from weird voices and plates with Peter Rabbit, I had inspiration for a Bitch! Perfect gelatine pudding when this war and crisis are over. We have to grid our teeth for a while with this. I hope you have patience. Maybe I'm too cheerfull myself. But pink gelatine pudding with cherries, out off the Nordic Ware 6- cup heritage mold. And then all sorts off other desserts, ideas with pink pudding. Ordinairy custard pudding with fresh raspberry sauce, 'And marble cake!' But those aren't crisis ideas anymore. Sometimes it's voices meddling over bunny plates, sometimes it's inspiration. Honest, I think I'm too unstable and insane for Edo. He's a spiritual man, not a mad man. While I'm weird and unstable. Sanity wishes to keep me from it. And maybe they'll put him into mental health either when he starts to talk with my care takers. It's not safe. And pink pudding? With whipped cream, offcourse! It just comes down to pink custard package pudding, brought to colour with food colouring. very easy. But not appropriate for these times. 

While nowadays I try to keep the traditional kitchen off the Netherlands alive. I'm not the only one who has to stick to that. Though today was for oven pizza. I'm slacking it with cooking these days. I have nothing a pagan macho could depend on, especially when I feel weak and can't cook food. Sometimes I still think I can save the world, and I should have been in politics, but I'm appearently not suitable for it. I was a bit high in my head back then, also given the circumstances in politics off today. It's one big rathouse. I already do hard being washed these days. Just like the problem with Edo, is it confusing? Is it difficult? Yes? Then don't do it! This appears to a lot off matters stupid people and mental patients are facing. 'Is het verwarrend? Is het ingewikkeld? Ja? Dan moet je ermee stoppen of dan doen we het niet.' Sanest method ever. I think this appeared to most cases during the previous decade. 'Stop with the confusing, difficult things if you can't take on them.' If I would have listned, I would not have been here, since my mind could not stop with them. It kept on resolving around certain topics, and it drove me insane. But here I am, not doing bad. Maybe 'Stop the difficult and confusing thing.' Is now just for Edo. 'Stop with it!' So to say. 

If it drives you insane, it's not for you. That's just difficult. Very difficult. I think it will be peace in Ukraine rather than me having peace with Vana. And it's not my fault. And my visions keep being so blurry. Voice saying: 'Some women get the visions these days, while others get the mans.' Really? I'm desperate, I'm still single at 31, 32 going on soon. I should stop the difficult and confusing thing. It hurts my head from spinning. It's too much. And I think it will be 'the talk off town.' so to say, at Vana when I try. Maybe they say I'm an over-acting attention whore who's just after the money. Like usuall. 'It's her again.' And so on. Let's keep it at that, but it's a sincere thing in between us already. Otherwise he would just have been magically mighty in his own fashion. But they will not accept. A heart that jumps is so bizarre sometimes. Let's keep it sane, among Zaanish antiques. Let's be a reliable woman, let's not play games. So I should stick with the 'I'm a psychiatric patient.' Thing. That would be a decent and responsible take on it. He's insanely cool. But I'm not going after him. And what are they mighty in, to begin with? Let's relativate that. It's just Vana. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

 

  

    

Good evening at the 7th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was a nice warm day in June. 

*

Today was for sight-seeing with mom in the surrounding, she came over for coffee at the chocolate shop, and we had lunch at a restaurant at de Zaan, and then walked to de Zaanse Schans. Mom is in a divorce. She can use my help, but I don't have much to offer instead off a trip among these classics every often and a listening ear. She likes it to set her mind off off it, but I don't know if it (These nice classics) does for a long time. But it was nice. I had a pancake with syrup waffles and caramel syrup for lunch. 

I have been shopping at de Zaanse Schans for some cool baking supplies. 

Diffrent times require diffrent styles and baking supplies, a bit more national pride, and I dove into it today. Maybe a Dutch woman with a baking hobby hits the nail a bit better than British these days. It's crowded at de Zaanse Schans. More crowded than ever before, also according to the acquitances who see them passing by all the time. Ever since Corona, it's a haze off tourists. It's crazy. 

We didn't take pictures, we sure had a good time. Mom gave me a bush off flowers, It's on the kitchen counter top. I photographed the steels with some items. I hope you forgive me, I'm a bit messy these days. From sweet Magical Girl items, to cool Nationalism due to war time. 

Mom also bought me chocolates, but I already ate them all. I had no hold to myself. And tonight will be for oven pizza again. I'm not that much off an actuall superhero, but I can bake a few cakes and cookies for National Pride. I think it's important these days during war-time. I have that crazy idea. Cool Dutch during war-time. I hope the Extreme Right winged in politics don't steal from me. But that's for later on. I just hope I'm not seen as stupid or idiotic for it. 

I think we need more off an insult than Rasputin by Boney M. for Putin. More off a nagging insult to them. I mean The World, since we're still stuck in it for a while. We need something to help us cope. Maybe my media need a picture off a syrup waffle caramel pancake, and the sight from the terrace at de Zaan over de Zaanse schans. It's breath takingly national pride. And I hope I can get good speculaas out off the windmill shape during Sinterklaas-time. It's an art. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

 

Good evening at the 4th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

*

This beauty arrived by post this morning: 

The Nordic Ware Rose Bundt. With gorgeous leaves on the sides. It's beautifull, and some time ago every baker seemed to crave roses. They where everywhere on pastries. I'm not that handy. So maybe the mold will speak for me. (That's what it usually does: I'm not good at modelling, so I let the molds do the work for me.) 

I think these molds would be perfect filled with chocolate bundt cake . I think all my new bundt molds will be. This hobby, though a bit expensive, is perfect distraction from the war and the crisis. It's a bit superficial, but it does for me. 

Honestly, I crave baking sandcookies a bit. I haven't done so for a while. With real cookie spices, but for now I'll take supermarket spices for granted. It's pricey, but I think I haven't done so in almost a year. But it could be more, since ever since Corona time is blurry and it can be to have been longer. 'Wait, what? But that has been two years ago! Not previous year!' 'What, but it goes thát fast?' I feel like that all the time with things. The world has been in crisises ever since 2020, and it's been long. And what happened in between is blurry when it comes to time line. 

Maybe I should just do it. Simply to be a bit off lines and expensive and bake those sand cookies. It's toddler work, something children do with their parents. The world is insane if someone comes death jealouse after me for sandcookies. I mean, they're going to be fresh, but other than that, I think anyone can bake them. I own a set off letter cookiecutters which lend themselves perfectly for them. I believe people are always jealouse off me these days and will come after me for baking. Since it has become that expensive. I have feelings off such guilt.... but what for? I'm not rich either, just lucky and handy with money. That's why I can afford my hobby these expensive times. Somehow I still think 'I can do it.' And here I am, doing it. My secret is really to have saved money. Still, those feelings off guilt... 

I think I should end it here for now. I think I have to justify baking all the time if I continue. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good afternoon at the 4th off June, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's cloudy outside. 

*

I wish to inform about the new Nordic Ware items I own recently. 

It's the Jubilee loaf pan, and the Floral Heart bundt pan. I have to admit Floral Bundt is kinda kitchy. But I somehow still like it in all it's wrong kitchness. Sometimes things are so wrong and tasteless, they become loveable. Then it's called cult. In my 'wrong, guilty pleasure.' - taste, I'm kinda frumpy and grandmothernal. I can't deny. But maybe it's Zaandijk, all the old fashioned kitch grew on me. 💖 It's just too good in it's own way. I got that with Zaanstad, in all it's old-fashioned kitch and pauperness, I grew to love it. Wrong and tasteless as it appears to most at first. Just like this bundt mold. It's frumpy, it's old-fashioned kitch, it tries to be romantic, it's so decadently tasteless, I. love. it. 

And the Jubilee is just top off the edge. Cool, ageless, stylish, overpriced- just what a Nordic Ware collector seeks for. It's gorgeous the way it is. I just wanted to own it. It's perfect for a treat for the evening coffee moment at de Boed. Served on a rectangulair 'cake plate.' As how I call them. These rectangulair plates people barely know the use to? I use them to serve home made cakes on. The nicer they look, the better. Nothing as decadent as home made cake on a beautifull serving plate! Just like bundt molds, dishware just can't be too fancy in my opinion. 

I cleaned the kitchen today. It's victory over myself. I personally could do better. Despite being onto my hobby. And I bullet journal to give air to certain thoughts. It's fun drawing them on bullet journal paper and doodling with them. It gives air. I wish to share one with you, 

I had been granted this bullet journal by de Boed, for being stuck in myself. They wanted to get me out iff it. I like it, I did this before. My old note books sometimes have torn pages for times where I did bad. With unreadable texts. These pages seem to keep themselves more civilized. You don't want to see my 2018 diary, it looks insane. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good morning at the 4th off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still pitch dark outside this night. 

* 

I said the events goodbye, and I left. For my own sake, for my own peace off mind. Maybe Ed is such a back burner. I should not ever come back, that would not be safe and sane. I think to have ditched it was healthy. 

My mind feels better without them, even without all my former friends, and I know I made the right decision. I'm free as a breeze again, ready to breathe and inhale fresh mental air. Much better! And it's probably never getting anywhere with Ed. I perfectly realize it's a no and it should stay that way. Maybe I should not have sacrificed a poem with the title 'Bittersweet.' to it. It's more off a back burner at the moment than something good. I was already traumatized in love and life. I can't use this. But I feel it as if there's magic at work with it. 

I have my reservations against love. I'm not the type to go cheerfully into one relationship after the other. I have to take caution with Ed. Since what I see in him is superficial. Just a fantasy. Not suitable for me. The valiant wizard on a steam. But there's nothing other than that, he's just a lost girl's fantasy. I can deal with it. It's not in the way off daily life if I keep it under control. It's not healing for trauma's. It's causing them. Let's stay away from it, I can do without. 

Actually I asked the Wickerbeast for someone to heal my trauma's. But it's not going to work and I can see ahead. I'm not the floaty, happy type to ask for 'A relationship with x-' while I'm not over with my past. I'm seeking for someone serious who can laugh and help me out with pain. For the long term if it has to be. But with me, it has to be either damn right serious, or not at all. And it's not healthy for a relationship to solve your issues, but for a relationship to be healing? Yes, that would be nice. But Ed? It feels a bit screwed up. Love is NOT a joke. But maybe they made this out off it, and this is what I asked for in their eyes. I should get over with it. If something is on my ass, I better escape from it. And keep my dignity, and stay away. It hasn't done bad to me to break with them. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

 

Good morning at the 4th off June, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

It's still dark outside, I can't see the damn weather. 

*

One off my last sacrifices at Castlefest, was at Wickerbeast The Beloveds. Honestly, I only sacrificed if I felt I was behind  a message. I sacrificed a poem, called Bittersweet by the ancient Persian poet Rumi, brought nicely to the audience by Madonna. It's something powerfull with depth. It suited me and how I feel about love. I think it's starting to fall into places with Ed, and I can't explain. It's just that nothing would be appropriate and therefore nothing should happen. Maybe it's not been this that has set the thing in such motion. But I wish to share the poem, And Madonna's outtake on it on here: 

In my hallucination
I saw my beloved's flower garden
In my vertigo, in my dizziness
In my drunken haze
Whirling and dancing like a spinning wheel

I saw myself as the source of existence
I was there in the beginning
And I was the spirit of love

Now I am sober
There is only the hangover
And the memory of love
And only the sorrow

I year for happiness
I ask for help
I want mercy
And my love says

Look at me and hear me
Because I am here
Just for that

I am your moon
And your moonlight too
I am your flower garden
And your water too

I have come all this way, eager for you
Without shoes or shawl

I want you to laugh
To kill all your worries
To love you
To nourish you

Oh sweet bitterness
I will soothe you and heal you
I will bring you roses
I, too, have been covered with thorns

I just don't know. Maybe I'm too traumatized to actually 'just go' for love, and maybe The Mother Godess had to think this one through. And maybe it's been a bit unhandy. But there he is, The wolf and the moonlight, too, The flowergarden and the water, too. 

It's just that it's not mutual and that would not be healthy. But the wolf and the moonlight and the flowergarden and the water is found. I just think it's not going to be healing. But wasn't my presence at these event not messed up to begin with? 😉 Let's stay honest about that. I have my reservations against love. And it's good to have them, now more than ever. So actually, it's not perfectly fallen into place. But I think it's close. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 3th off June 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

The sky is dark and the weather isn't clear anymore. 

*

Sometimes dreams are messages from the great divine. But we explain and interprent them wrong, or we simply don't want to know. 

A few years ago I had a dream about flying to Bloodshot's home, landing on the back balcony, and tidying it up. While a certain phrase off 'Nobody's Wife.' by Anouk played. 

Like a stone hangin' round my neck, see
Cut it loose before it breaks my back, see
I've gotta say what I feel before I grow older

I'm sorry but I ain't gonna change my ways
You know I've tried but I'm still the same
I got to do it my way

It's too bad, but hey, that's me
What goes around comes around, you'll see
That I can carry the burden of pain
'Cause it ain't the first time, no, that a man goes insane
And when I spread my wings to embrace him for life
Suckin' out his love, I, I'll never be nobody's wife, yeah

Honestly, I just shared the 'flying to his home and cleaning the balcony.' part. I didn't want to fully understand the 'Nobody's Wife.' part, and thought it was too much for them. But it was there. 

I'm not one off their wives, I can share my opinion and be obnoxious as I please. And maybe a foreteller. I'm not going to end uo with one off them. But that was back then. (And I didn't) Sometimes we have to be obnoxious and rude. And after all, I was right. But back then I oppressed it and didn't want to know. Silly me. But for now I wish to share the real dream with you. Naw, I'm not going to marry Bloodshot. But let that be for the better. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 3th off June, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy and fresh for a day in June. But it wasn't so bad. I don't like heath anyway. 

*

Tonight I had classic Dutch vegetable soup based on beef broth for dinner: 

With home made meatballs with nutmeg in them. It felt like triumph over myself to have prepared this. The kitchen is still a mess, but I prepared it, as fresh as possible. I forgot the French bread with it. 😓 But it was not bad. It was pretty good soup. 

And I had Semolina pudding for dessert. 

I prepared it according to the receipe on the back off the package, there was nothing too fancy about it. Just semolina, milk and sugar. Not even vanilla or cream, but it worked out perfectly. A care taker helped to get it on the plate. And it had A-brand berry lemonade for sauce. It's cool, it's edgy, it's vintage. It's retro- cool. And it's always awesome to make one. It's almost too wealthy to have this. It's decadent. Due to mold prices to have increased. I have to admit, it's shamefully decadent. I just hope the world not to bat an eye over it. 

I think I happen to have a 'classic Dutch.' period when it comes to home cooked meals. Classic Dutch but with more taste. Not to opt for the extreme right in politics, but maybe for a sense off national pride and nostalgia just because. Maybe especially during war-time. (I know for sure it's especially due to war-time. My heart and soul ask for it.) But I'm left winged in politics, but Dutch heritage is my personal heritage just as good. 

I feel like doing classic style dishes. But even a bit better than the original. I know it might be a bit scary and right-winged in other times, but this is such thick war-time, I wish to show off my national pride a bit. But done with class and taste, not the tacky tourist-stuff they sell at the end off the street. 

For now it's cleaning the kitchen tomorrow, since I can't set myself to it tonight, My head is full and I'm tired. And it's victory over myself to have done these. I feel as weird and out off line as possible for now. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good afternoon at the 3th off June 2024, 2.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Outside it's still somewhat fresh for June. 

*

Fantasy and history writers never come up with the plot off the young female mage falling head over heels to the dark wizard. I know you're supposed to call it a witch, but in my head it's a witchmaster, and more seductive than Batman. (What else? I would not fall for something else his age.) He's sooo sexy. I would not like to dwell into details, just that it's a pagan adult man. He's muscled, well-trained, and he has something interesting in his mind. When coming to overthink all off that, I felt like: 'But would that not be suitable for a relationship?' And fling my mind went off. For me, it isn't. We're enemies after everything that happened with Vana. 

It's unusual for the young, brown haired main character with the green eyes to fall for the darker types. Usually, she's into the blonde and strong young fella. (And she always gets him.) But what if the blonde fella never saw her, and now she's into the mysterious and cool kinda older wizard man? I think I give away too much. But Ed is not just someone from the streets. I happen to know him, and knowing he's this sort off well-organized and cool, makes him attractive. I just don't know him on a personal level, but seen from a failed pauper kinda level, it's so strong and wealthy and interesting. THE number one pagan macho from Castlefest. I just decided I better don't. He has it all in my opinion. 

But I better keep away from CF, and let it be. For my mental health. And it's just that in my mind, we keep on being enemies and we fight in mysterious ways, though we talk very well. He's a witchmaster, who knows he has ways to the human mind. I don't know if he would love my meatballs and raisin cake and cuddle endless with me if I would dare. It's a bit civilized how I imagined us. I can't keep up with that standard at the moment. And sponges? Really? This man has caught my visions into sponges? (And that's the reason for them to have become blurry.) 

It's just that he always looks cranky when I see him. I think I would say no, but I would like to challenge him into a smile first. I know it's morning 'on the way to your job.' - crankyness, probably. It's always as stiff as a wooden plank. But it could also be their general attitude towards me. I wish he would smile at me and try to look nicer first. Let's keep that as a standard first. Relationships don't dwell on crankyness. It's a meatball-soap. (Gehaktballen soap.) But that's because so little happens and I react to it like a stoned shrimp somehow. I over-think him too much. Still he is sexy in this surrounding. I wish I could trust myself with it. Truly saying no to something special when his car crashes down the road and he needs me. For example. But for now it's just nothing. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 3th off June, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

It's been cloudy and somewhat fresh outside today. 

*

Last night ended with the delusion off a witchmaster trying to spell me with sea spunges. I happen to believe Ed owns an aquarium with ink spitting sea spunges. And he wants to captivate my mind in them. I had to look up if Porifera, like how they're named in latin, could spit ink, and what they look like for real. I don't know if you can actually own an aquarium with living sea spunges and use them for spells. But they don't happen to spit ink. I had to look up what they look like in real life. 

What I saw was more like the last photo, it's more off a bath sponge. I don't know if living sponges can come in round shapes. I know they don't spit ink. And I don't know if you can captivate visions and delusions in them. But Ed is not a common witchmaster. He's my crush, and he's a talent in his field. But we're supposed to be enemies. So catching me and keeping me captivated in a sponge it is. But the sponge inks when it becomes to much for it. Out off emotional terror. I can think and feel quite heavy and overwhelming. To fight with Mister Ed felt kinda heavy. Being madly in love while you have to reason in a fight is hard. He came in here at first as a vulture, or a hawk, with a prey bird cap, trying to gain information. But then I found out he has captivated me in a sea spunge. It's not always easy to have fallen for the dark witchmaster. He wasn't allowed to know, and he even wanted a fee for it. 'Off, you scoundrel! You have a well-paid job!' But the vulture kept on sticking out it's claw with a sack attached to it. 'Wait, now I have to pay you?' I keep on assuming he's rich and wealthy somehow. I don't want to pluck men, but them after a fee from me? Luckily I could break the seaspunge spell- simply by looking at it. It was gone and I broke it.  

After a stubborn while, he was gone, He kept on disbelieving this was actuall Zaandijk, Zaanstad. But he had to take it for granted. I got even more impressed by his incredible skills, offcourse. But he also seemed so harsh and cold in the delusion. And spunges don't ink. It's such a story, I do hard disbelieving it this day. I think my mind has something else as a suprise for me tonight. I have to keep myself sane. It's difficult. I don't know if people can own living seaspunges. They're wild sea animals. To keep them in an aquarium?  

See, my love for Edo is kinda hard. It brings out delusions. He's a cool man, but it's difficult. I decided it's a sane, fair no if I ever get even closer than just a vague passing by. They can lock me up if it goes any further I believe. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.