Good afternoon at the 30th off March, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

This day it's rainy. 

*

I'm thinking off inventing something I would call 'A farmstyle muffin.' But I don't live at a farm, and the concept is not necessairily farmstyle. It comes down to a Dutch style muffin with brown sugar, cinnamon, apple, nuts and raisins in it. 'de boeren muffin.' Maybe a real boeren muffin would be more off an ordinairy muffin with no additions, but that's a bit plain in my opinion. And it needs a cute wrapper. A plain white one, or one with cute pink or purple farmstyle checkers. Or pink or purple with white dots. Mom doesn't allow me to bake from her extra money. And nuts are expensive. Maybe I'm about to let the foodprocessor chop them before they get in. And it needs a big muffin- cake poof on top. It's not a fancy cupcake, but I think let's top it with chunks off apple, nuts and raisins. Maybe some honey adjusted to it, and nutmeg. But then you got a fancy apple muffin. So where does the 'farmstyle.' - which can be seen as either offensive or very cool in the Netherlands- come from? We don't want to offend anyone, so let's call it a fancy apple muffin. As far as someone hasn't invented that yet. 'Gewoon een boeren muffin.' doesn't hit the nail on the head. I have no money for it so far, so I can think it out for a while. 

I learned the diffrence between American muffins and Dutch muffins, is that Dutch muffins are more cake-like, while American muffins are more bread-like. So my apple muffin is going to taste like fancy apple cake. Should I make them square? Maybe that's a nice idea for when it's all invented. Square Dutch apple muffins? But now I got an invention! I can't claim it yet. But it's in my mind for now. And the amount off ingredients has to be enough for about 25 to 30 people in my case. Maybe I'm even stealing someone's idea. It's something I think someone has thought out already. But I can't afford. So let it stay in the world off ideas for now. Maybe later on I will give it wings. 

Just like pistachio's: For now it's NOT a possibillity. 

Next week is for fresh soup- making. I have to keep it at that. And my hair is still washed. I can still drink tea and this weekend, my family has Easter pastries with it. And I'm one hell off full with laundry wash boxes. I'm not out off it soon. Let's keep on seeing the positive. And my hands are tidy, with cheap materials I didn't have to owe up much for. Let's keep to my late dad's advice: 'don't act spoiled, and don't walk beside your shoes.' It's golden these days. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

  

Good morning at the 30th off March, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

Today it seems rainy and it's a promise to rain all day. 

*

This Easter, I have tidy hands. It's quite something since I neglected the very dry skin on my hands, and I just put a common wear nail polish on my nails. But my hands are very lady-like and tidy thanks to my mom's hand cream. And my insight for this weekend to keep the nails polished and maintained. It's something for the headlines, simply because usually it's dry, sore and uncomfortable skin on my hands. Mom found a handcream that works. 💖 My own cream only dried them even more. It's no Easter pastel nails. The colour is called 577 Cream Supreme by Isadora, it's a 90's nude. But my hands look fine this Easter. It's a bit off an Easter miracle to me. It's been that dry. 

Mom and I came to terms on something else yesterday. If I would not purchase make-up or books from it, she would allow me a little money to have more space to eat when de Boed quits their meals. But she's quite strict on it. I'm allowed to cover my basics and fruits and vegetables from it. But she decided I'm not allowed to purchase new cooking bibles. There's four new on the market I don't own yet, this weekend there was published a new one. But I better skip that idea. I bet new Nordic Ware isn't allowed either. But I can cook with fruits and vegetables again and make cooking for myself fun again when we have to participate and prepare meals ourselves. 

That's what you got when you're dependant on someone else. Their will is law. I'm also not allowed to purchase mindfullness books and so on from it. Just cover up for my food and basics. Mom is really a strict one when it comes to that. But maybe I can fill up my instagram again with pictures off good meals to keep it fun. It's been a bit on it's ass due to price increasement. On the other hand, now I can finally make my current cookbooks roll a bit and prepare foods from them. Let's try to turn it into something positive. I just hope I can manage to keep the kitchen clean after cooking. I'm not that good at maintaining a clean surrounding when I'm 'like that.' All off it is quite something, but with mom's money I'm going to make it through. 

And just natural hair and plucked eyebrows? at de Boed, my fellow clients and me don't do it any diffrent. So no make-up is not a big deal. And I think I'm not allowed to purchase books on the subject off modern, feel-good mindfullness. I love those. But it's something for later on, probably. As long as this lasts, mom is in charge. And she told me I can't take it so expensive with laundry wash anymore. I have a stock, but to re-fill it my way is not allowed. 

I have to give up a lot to save my ass, but that's how the world works nowadays. It's crisis. But I'm covered, saved, and I'm going to be fed. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

        

   

Good evening at the 28th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was bright and sunny weather changing with clouds. 

*

First news off the day, is this picture off my Easter branch. I managed to picture it better this morning than I did a few weeks ago. I think it's quite a nice picture. 

It's been quite a buisy day. I have been swimming in the morning, and went to mom during afternoon. I'll be at my parental home this weekend. 

Life is quite something for fellow clients. Easter is quite something for them. Most off them have no family anymore. Or a bad bonding with them. It's a good thing to take count off. And so counts for most people. You could say Gorterhof is quite a lonely hearts club. I can consider myself lucky I still have family. Holidays are quite a thing for some people. A lot off people, usually the common, go through it like it's fun. But the lonely hearts club at de Boed does hard with it, mainly. 

We are not common. We do less than common. This world is hard to them. Hard to fully get. Nowadays, with society and the world being screwed up, it's even harder. I should try to understand. Sometimes it's difficult, since their low intelligence makes them short-minded. It's not nice to start about it in public. But what I can do is to convince them. Simply to eat more garlic, simply to try to be open minded, simply to try to be open for new things. Since it can be good for them. And it works. I'm no miracle worker. But to convince them to eat garlic, is simply to put it deliciously prepared in all my soups. But I lose my patience too, I'm no health worker. But this evening, I feel like understanding them more. What it comes down to: Not to be too harsh on them. I got a bit more off a distance to them this evening. That's why I probably understand: All they got during Easter, is de Boed. And it sucks. 

I came to another conclusion. I have no kids, but instead off feeling bad about it, when I see someone elses kids, or when I think about them, I feel 'They are not my problem.' And it's relief I feel about it. 'These kids are NOT MY problem.' Neither money-wise. I don't have to owe up for them during this crisis. And it's a massive relief. Their future, their well-being, their costs- NOT MY PROBLEM!!! Thank god, and it feels great. I'm honestly gratefull not to have kids. I'm free and independant. I don't have to feel guilty to have passed mental issues and my bad genes, and I can be sick and misserable however I please. It's a blessing. It's perfect. 💖And most off all, I'm not guilty to anything. I love it. 

It's good to turn something negative into something positive, and it got on me out off nowhere. I'm free, and I'm gratefull for it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 27th off March, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

This day was not too bad when it comes to weather for a day in Spring. 

*

I don't know what my issue is. I can live perfectly well, I'm warm and fed but that's part off the problem. Sick people are taken care off well in the Netherlands when they're under the 2014 law. Which I fall under. But it's the problem, and somehow I think many common people are death jealouse off me during these times. Sometimes I think they are going to get after me for having this luxury, and the Nordic Ware. When I purchase something from them, or something expensive for my cooking hobby, I think the common poor people off the Netherlands are going to hate me for it, and are going to get after me when the crisis deepens, and they find out what big luxury I live in. It's not much for a working person with a nice big home and modern technology in their home. But for a plain worker, it's a lot. If times where normal, they would laugh at me. But times are bad and I have the fear I'm in trouble when they find out. In my single person flat, with my central heathing on. I see myself as a spoiled brat. I don't wear expensive clothes, and the technology here is not state off the art, but it's comfortable for me. But somehow, I got that fear each time they are going to get after me for purchasing expensive Nordic Ware sometimes. I'm on a governmental wage, my home is small and I have to share my lunch. They are not right in their head when they come after me. But I have this issue. 

They are more likely to get after true rich snobs. The real badass rich people. I don't even wear make-up and I don't have fake nails from a manicure. But still, the good old luxury I feel I live in! I honestly have no clue how deep the crisis still actually is and how much most people still suffer from it. I think it's especially the youth who suffers. But I don't. Maybe I'm over-acting on it. But it's a fear. I hope people will improve in circumstances, and the world will get over with it. And I hope they really consider my luxury a laugh compared to theirs. That's a normal world to be honest. Something is really wrong if they can't. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 27th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was mild spring weather. Cloudy but acceptable somehow. 

*

This morning I documented soup making. I pictured and filmed some steps off the proces. 

I pictured more, but I think you might think off these as somewhat boring. I think the picture off the result came out good. The result was nevertless great, despite de Boed's lack in fantasy when it comes to kitchenware, but it's an example off items which withstand times if you don't throw them on the floor on purpose, and are therefore cheap. I don't know if this sentence is offensive to them, but I think they can withstand the crisis and the war with that vision. In all these 5 years I live here, it's been the same plain old stuff. But it's capable to feed us and withstand some times. And it's uniform. So let's hope I'm the only one who minds it's boring. Well, statement made. Let's hope I won't get in trouble with it. 

My tomato soup was great according to the eaters. Tomato soup is beloved in the Netherlands. Wednesday Soup is received quite gratefull among us. The only thing missing here was soup balls. Some meatballs in our tomato soup. I don't know when, but it's a challenge for the next time I'm about to make it. Other than that, it's quite first class tomato soup. I know people are going to miss it when we quit lunch and soup lunch especially. And I'm going to miss the process off soup making. And the appreciation afterwards. 

It's made from a receipe from this cookbook: 

   

I purchased it before the crisis. When it was still agreeable to purchase such cookbooks. It's one off those treasures I can only use at de Boed nowadays. I myself am too poor for first class tomato soup in my own kitchen. I wish they would not do that. But they said they are going to look for a solution. It's a pity, but we'll have to wait and see. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 26th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was moderately cold spring weather. Dressed in my winter coat, I had a cup off coffee at de Boed's terrace. 

*

Today, and this entire week, actually, I felt like picking up chores again and me and care staff cleaned the home. It's still messy, but it's clean for now and something to be proud off for me. I'm clean myself, the home is tidy, the kitchen is tidy, and I feel better. If there hadn't been a bulb off styrofoam attached to the window. I was on and  on how 'the enemy had placed a drone.' on my window, to steal good ideas from my mind. But health care convinced me it was styrofoam, not a mini-drone eavesdropping. And we removed the thing. I still got on my mind 'how they want to steal ideas from me.' 

I'm an idiot, I had one off these litterally published in the newspaper with my name under it recently. But sometimes I think they want more, and come to steal it while I speak or write them out.  

But the wobbly feeling from the previous three weeks? It's gone. I'm not as unstable anymore. Though I feel I have to be carefull. I'm still doing hard and am a bit off-minded. 

I think after the war is over, I have to recover from it. It got quite the best off me, to be honest. I'm so brilliant to have followed it for a while. Also impressive stories about machinery and incidents there. It's exciting, but I didn't realise it's also traumatizing to a point where your mind gets too full off it, and your system beggs you to stop with it. I can't read the stories in the newspaper anymore. And not follow the news on it anymore. I personally would like to, 'to stay informed.' (And because it's exciting like a book or a movie. But that makes me noisy about a real life happening.) But it's too much, and real life requires too much off me these days. 

We have issues at de Boed. I don't want to talk about it, since I might get trouble when I get caught. But let's keep it at loss off staff members who went to work elsewhere, and them stopping to provide lunch and dinner. It's quite a thing. I hate it as much as my fellow clients and you can guess the ambience isn't so nice these days. I think it also helps the wobbly feeling. We usually are dependant on them for our food. They told us they will look for a solution, but for now, it's causing trouble among everyone and it makes everyone restless and on their toes. Life is already hard enough for a psychiatric patient without a war and a crisis going on. 

It was pretty handy to have them cooking for me when I felt wobbly, and it's been a relative small amount off money for agreeable meals. (It did not come for free, but what in life does?) I can't say it was always good food, but I had food on the table thanks to it. 

I can cook myself, I can cook pretty well, but the mess I make with it is troublesome and when I'm 'like that.' a meal is almost impossible. It's stressive. de Boed doesn't do well for it's clients these days. Also since two staff members have been called long- term sick, and their replacements aren't to everyone's taste. And mealtime as it is? We have to get our meals in plastic bins, and eat them at home. Due to lack off staff in the evening. It's a rathouse at the moment, and I think it will get worse once they stop providing meals. 

There, I've said it. 

And my big pride, Wednesday Soup, will probably not excist in it's current form anymore when they do so. You don't need to have a gift to be capable to foresee it's going to be a mess and a dissaster for me and my fellow clients. They will cancel our meals starting in May. 

 I have to share my tea, my peanutbutter and my soup at lunch time, but at least I don't starve to death due to their cheap service. All clients, no exception, hate the idea. It's due to participating, and people making more use off their own capabilities, a lot off right-winged politicall blatter which we can't live up to. It's exhausting. 

This week is for fresh tomato soup for Wednesday Soup. From Belgian top chef Seppe Nobles. It's just that the ambience at de Boed is exhausting due to it being so incredibly negative, and people and staff always getting into discussion and pressure on staff and clients. Being on their terrace is not the 'South off France.' feeling anymore I loved about it. 

And they want to make activities mandatory. I, for example, liked to be there just for coffee and reading the newspaper but now you have to participate in something to be allowed to stay there. Honestly, in my life I tried, I can paint, but my talent lays in the kitchen. I see Wednesday Soup as participating, aside to swimming. But knitting, crotchet, puzzleing, Rummikub, are too muff for me to participate in. And it's what they do. I like to sit around and chit-chat and read the news. But I got some sort off Anthedonia that keeps me from doing hobbies somehow. I don't like the 'mandatory.' thing about it. What they do is what old ladies do. But that's their main audience. I don't have anything against old ladies, but I'm too young for their hobbies. They have music and Bingo, and that's fun to participate in, but the handcraft hobbies? I can't set myself to it. I'm sorry. Just coffee and the newspaper is enough for me. 

It's strange how in my old hobby, the Fantasy world, handcrafting things was also a plight. But it was a standard I could not live up to. I could do jewelry making and colouring mandalas. I'm not too bad at it. But I just can't set myself to it. My head is too full. Fantasy hobbies are too much for me at the moment. Reasding, watching, gaming, handcrafting- Naw, I turned into a blind common lady. (A spiritual one, but still, as common as an every day slice off bread.) Fantasy is too much, since I quit with it and my head is too full for it. I might have become boring. Just a woman who reads the newspaper and who makes outstanding, delicious soups each week. And due to the crisis, I look plain and cheap. But it's all I can set myself to at the moment. It's said to be a fire-sign thing. Sometimes, the fire to be creative is out. In a Leo, a lot has had to happen for that. Since we are known to be creative people. But the fire is out for handcrafts and I'm not suitable to knit. But I think they are going to kick me out after coffee time on monday morning for doing nothing. It's not so bad, I can hang around in my own home and I love my home. 

But you probably see, it's a bit much going on with us at the moment. Mandatory participating sucks at this moment. de Boed is exhausting. My mental health does not like it. And it's not good for the clients. it's a mess. 

I hope it all will be solved soon, but it's hard. Maybe I'm going to take off from de Boed untill it's fixed. I don't know what I'm about to do then, it's hard in a fogged mind to figure out. But this mess doesn't do well to me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 24th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

This afternoon it's been raining cats and dogs. This entire day, actually. 

*

Despite there to have been rain, I decided to go out to Zaandam centre, and go shopping some things I needed. I will keep it vague, since it can be seen as witchcraft, and we don't want to play open card with my enemies. Whether it be Vana Events and it's huge crowd, or the Russians, or both. 

I also purchased eyebrow gel and a lip and cheek tint cream blush. Ain't that the fashion? Three pats off a deep colour, and then smudged on your cheeks very well? I purchased a deep berry tint. And eyebrow gel, because on a daily base I'm 'One off those types who gets away with just eyebrow gel on a regulair base.' If she plucks, And nothing more than that since I barely wear make-up in daily life. But I think eyebrow gel for my thick eyebrows, is appropriate to keep them look groomed. The berry blush is when I got an occasion or something, since I barely wear it. But I found, due to modern times, my blush needed a small, liquid update. 

I found the shops looked like a mermaid's treasure, I was simply not able to purchase due to the prices. It looked very fancy and romantic, and a mermaid would not spit on it. I can see 'romantic ocean' is the trend here. 

But I should not complain about my kitchenware being a bit on the outdated side.  And my stuff being not 'on trend.' Since I can make it through with what I got. I think I should start a rant about how we don't need to replace dishes with every change off fashion, since they can withstand times if you're not about to throw them on the floor on purpose. Same counts for glas ware. Plain cups are perfect to withstand a crisis. The World is dealing with a crisis and insane costs. We're not dealing with the old First World problem off a trend change. It's spring, and it's supposed to be a romantic pastel. This year it happens to be 'ocean.' But when it's about to be Christmas (For example), it requires us to purchase a deep, romantic bourgundy. Or even a decadent gold plate for that matter. But let me tell you this: Most off us simply don't have the money for that. 

It's wonderfull what they can do with colours, ceramic and light effects. But most poor people don't have money for it. I don't know for how many people that still counts. I don't know how deep the crisis actually still is. But as far as I'm concerned, I think the youth still doesn't has it. Or maybe I am the only sucker who can't purchase. Maybe it's as simple as that and I'm just telling to myself 'Not to go with the next fashion trends.' due to lack off money and it being expensive. I heard there was a salary increasement among a lot off working people. So who knows they can afford such things again? I simply don't know since I don't work. 

But if you still suffer from the big crisis and price increasement, you should not go with the trends. And don't matter about it. Try not to mind about it. I don't have the right to complain, I purchased an over-the-moon Nordic Ware bundt pan. But I know I will have to grid my teeth when it comes to other things. On the other hand, I'm not like the youth who don't have anything at all. I can still say I live in a small flat, warm and comfortable. With furniture surrounding me, and clothes on my body. And despite not purchasing new kitchen ware, (Where'd I have to store it anyway? My cupboards are full enough.) I could afford a pumpkin spiced latte and a New York style slice off cheesecake siding it this afternoon. And it was good. So, to me it's a first world problem so it seems. My first concern when it comes to money, is travelling money for my travelling card, and making it to mom's Easter table next weekend. Other than that, I should not make myself ilusions about it. But what does one think, after such a purchase off Nordic Ware? I'm not rich anymore, but I can not count myself truly poor, to be honest. Let's be thankfull the Russians haven't gotten the best off me, yet. 

Allright, that's about it for now - 

Thank you for reading.       

Good evening at the 23th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was felt like it was almost haunted. It was cold, very grey and rainy. This old place makes it feel like it's almost haunted by ghosts when the weather is like that. 

*

Good grief, I don't like to share the bad news, but I'm so tired. Tired, sick, psychotic... life is getting too much off me and I don't like it. I'm covered under a blanket on my couch. It's warm and cozy, but today was sooo depressing. 

I don't know what my exact issue is. Since I forgot. I keep on having trouble with something I forgot, but it keeps on distracting my mind. But I can't see what it is anymore. Still, it's too bad ever since three weeks. It's been something about hitting Faust on the head with a good wooden baseball club, but then I lost it. Not out off guilt, but maybe the emotion that keeps me from it. Still, I'm strong. I don't hit my enemies. I don't use violence against them. Though it's that tempting at times. Naw, I don't do that. 

But what in the world is so wrecking about that thought? Life is standing still, I can't clean the home, I feel sooo sucked out and tired all the time, but Faust is a bloodsucker. Just too bad off an energy. It's best to never seek after him again, Neither with a good wooden club. It's best to stay out off their way. Forever? Well, yeah, if it's up to me, yes. Forever. It feels good. 

The crystal cut bundt pan and the square cupcake mold have arrived. Maybe I purchased something insane and silly. And I have been too optimistic about collecting and starting new baking projects. I needed to breathe from the crisis, but these items where not responsible. Oh, well. I think I have to hold myself again after this. Still, I own two great items for my baking collection by now. AND offcourse I'm about to try them out. Otherwise it would have been such an incredible waste. Everyone needs a little fun every now and then, and it's not like I purchase these every week again. It's silly, it's irreligious, but it's art. 

My head hurts, and little goes in with me. Texts are too much, watching TV is too much. Even texts I used to consider as easy are too much these days. My head is too full. Even the poems on a Dutch website I post them on, and read from other users, are too much to read. (I like to write poetry every now and then. But my head is too full for that right now.)  I don't do bad on the poetry website. I must say they comment quite positive on me. But it's anonymously. So I can keep my identity vague. All they see is the poetry, and it's to their liking. 

I will keep my blog to here, since I feel like getting full in my head by now. 😉

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

 

Good morning at the 23th off March, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's raining and cold. Today isn't promising. 

*

Yesterday evening I took another good deep breath from the crisis, and decided to purchase a square cupcake mold. 

Some time ago, I was on about how I wanted to try baking foods in original shapes. (Square, mostly.) I had purchased square springforms, which I have used a few times, and now it's the turn to square cupcakes. For fun and silly sake. 😉 I bet my fellow clients have never seen square cupcakes before. Not just for fun, but also for the 'create art out off food-' sake. And the 'Impress them' sake. At the moment, I will have to take it a bit sober with money again, but my breath was deep enough to truly inhale. 

My greed for this form off food preparing, is quite big. I've also seen triangulair cookie cutters, and offcourse the square bundt pan from Nordic Ware is on my wishlist. The good old, traditional shapes go in well with everyone, and their molds are pretty cheap. But to challenge myself, I allowed myself these. 

I just hope it goes in well with the old fashioned and food- conservative crowd at de Boed. And them not to see it as some sort off witchcraft. I know it's just out-off-the-ordinairy shapes, but they can think a bit short-minded when it comes to food. But I can get everyone to like my soups, including the big amount off garlic that goes in they where weary off. Maybe I can get them to like square cupcakes and triangulair cookies. I got them to like square kwarktaart, so to say. But that was not a hard one. The taste was not out off the ordinairy. 

And it's not as if it's some sort off national heritage to the Dutch you're supposed to prepare everything in a round shape. It's not offensive. I just hope my crowd is open for these baking projects, and the internet won't hate on me for being expensive with my molds. But maybe it's better to keep the audience on my Facebook out for now... and not cheering over to have purchased these and another few in the future on there for some time. Maybe just showing them some results to my work. I like to have a hobby, but I don't like to brag to poor people about the price tag. I have been in that position myself, rich people having all the good stuff, and I myself uneasy for not being capable to live up to that standard. (Maybe I should not have picked up an education in the field off law and government, but it was open for everyone. Also for poor idiots like me.😒)  My classmates where insanely rich compared to me. Usually I dress moderate to avoid that feeling in ordinairy people. But that's a sad story about my youth. I know baking with these will impress. Also with the Nordic Ware crystal cut bundt pan. It's supposed to impress. But not to let them feel down about themselves. 

Still, let's hope for the 'cool to be impressed.' kind off feeling among them. I just hope for good receivement. And for stunning results. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

   

Good evening at the 22nd off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy and dreary, with here and there a rainshower. 

*

This afternoon was for fresh coffee with a sweet treat: 

I allowed myself one. I feel like I've eaten badly yesterday, pretty little after swimming. So I allowed myself more food today. The crisis keeps me low on snacks and treats. But I felt so hungry today, I could eat a horse. I think I better don't save out so much on it as I'm doing right now. It's better to have something on hand for when I'm that hungry late in the evening. Not handy to save out on it too much. 

I felt like breathing from The Crisis today a bit. I purchased something fun for myself, I haven't done so in a while. I purchased the Nordic Ware Crystal Bundt pan. A very fancy bundt pan that caught my eye a long time ago, but which I never allowed myself: 

I think it's almost the prettiest, fanciest, most decadent cake mold under the sun, and today I allowed myself one. My mind needs a little space from the news, the crisis and the weather. So I allowed myself this. Just like the nice treat with my coffee, and a nice lunch out off the ordinairy. I feel mentally more stable after doing all off that, strange enough. I haven't felt well for a long time, but after 'breathing.' from the crisis, I feel a bit better. I'm someone who is lucky enough to be capable to purchase all off that. But not as frequently as I used to. I wish doing nice things often was part off ordinairy life again. I don't like to complain about it. And I'm also not certain if it is the cause off feeling so wobbly these weeks. But good stuff works to help me out. Appearently, I'm not a robot who can continue all the time without the nice things. Aside to that, simply to eat more will probably make me feel more stable. It's almost Easter. I allowed myself to breathe in well for a while. Easter, Ascencion day and Pentecost are a time for fancy bundt cakes. I could give this a try out once it's arrived. I hope it will help me to get more sane again. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good evening at the 20th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was another moody and cloudy day in Zaandijk, the Netherlands, with a small rainshower here and there. 

*

This morning was for preparing a ridiculously easy soup. I was right for picking an easy receipe, because I feel awfull since two weeks. It's mental issues all over again. I don't know what caused it. I can't lay my finger on the trigger for this episode. It's just something I have to cope with. Massive trouble, I could not clean the home this week. I myself am not the issue. I even seem to groom a little better. But the home? Don't ask if you're not prepared for the 'I'm a mental patient.' answer.- but it explains it. My home is a mess. 

I could not clean with the care taker who helps me, and my own chores where too hard for me this week. Usually, I take pride in it. But this week, I allowed myself some extra sleep and necessairy rest. It hurts! It feels like hell this week. It is hell this week. I can't read the news, I'm too full in my head to keep up with anything and my mind buzzes the articles and the items out too much to follow. I can be proud I prepared soup for de Boed. But it was the easiest receipe I have ever followed. I think many a dumbass can make it. It's perfect for mental episodes. And it got complimented all the time, so mission acomplished for this week. 

I can't seem to set off my mind off things. Mental health care says 'Look for ways to set it off, like hobbies like reading, creativity or TV.' But that's not even possible. Since I can't set myself to these. I love to be at de Boed and have plenty off coffee during coffee time. And be somewhat social with everyone. I'm not too full for social morning coffee gatherings. But to set my mind truly off? Not. Possible. I think it's no miracle to be caught up in this mindset without the power to break out, and truly find a way to set myself off. This whole treadmill off stress, probably has been caused by not seeing a way to set my mind off. To be on the internet works for me for a short time. Pinterest helps. My weblog helps. Fun texts on the internet work. To laugh at lame stuff on the internet. But it's no way to fill my day-to-day life. That would be a bit sad. An unemployed woman on the internet, drinking coffee all day. And not doing anything usefull anymore. I think the world is full off such people, but I hope it's not my profession. I wish I would get over with this episode. I hope to pop some laundry in the machines tomorrow, and do at least that as a usefull thing. Make use off my hoarding habit, and wash with that fancy stuff. Damn it, I even feel too lame to neatly put my dirty clothes in the laundry bin. They're all over the floor. 

At least I don't look like a Brussle sprout, despite it being crisis. My hair is done, my eyebrows I've plucked, and my hands are tidy. The basics are finally a bit in order. But it's not enough to 'set my mind off off things.' Though to do it mildly works. Last week, I even kept to a promise to someone from care staff to 'put on some nice make-up' for Sunday, to feel 'A bit better.' I did a full face off make-up, something I've seen being in fashion. I paid good attention to blush and highlighter, and it made an impression on them. The rest off the time I feel like following the Vogue beauty trend to this year and embrace 'our natural beauty.' Which is a trend for 2024 according to them, so no make-up most off the time. Except for grocery shopping make-up. I still stick to that, but don't ask why. I don't know why I do so either. 

Actually Vogue means we should embrace our natural feautures, but if you pull that far, no make-up is perfect for it either. So embracing my redness, dark circles and pimples with this one. 😉 But I think that doesn't fall under 'Natural beauty.' Still the world has to deal with it. 

I'm lucky to live in a place where it's not too bad to look a little untidy. no make-up is not the end off the world for a woman here. Plenty off them don't and feel perfectly fine with it. Just a nice haircut and plucked eyebrows is enough to be accepted. I love that. In this place, the acceptance for me and my imperfections has always felt like a warm bath. Especially since they are also tolerant with me being obese. And my glasses. They look at my heart. Not just at my appearance. And I think it's how cozy I am to them. I look like a cozy mature woman, and they love it about me. So these imperfections don't matter to them. A lot off them are ratchet themselves. And most off them litterally say people have to take them for who they are. And to mock off if they don't. It's what a wealthy place could have never taught me. This place is as poor as the streetbricks, and people have to flip their coins. But they got big hearts. Rough old Zaanstad loves me. I never felt that way where I come from. Where people looked down upon me. But here they understand. I love it. 

It's a place where they don't care about my glasses, or my fat ass, where the eighties are still on a pedestal and where the coffee pruttles each day for me. I love it. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good evening at the 16th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been cloudy and cold. 

*

It may seem a bit weird. I have been grooming myself to moderate and nice this weekend, even dying my hair and plucking my eyebrows and posting a picture off myself on Facebook as my profile picture. I feel so good about this whole 'looking nice.' thing. But then I started to feel insecure: What if people my age think I'm out off tune for not wearing make-up? I have made myself tidy, but I haven't dolled up. 

I'm not a make-up wearer on daily base. I go by day to day without make-up. Just when grocery shopping, I wear it. And only mascara and nude lipstick. On daily base, it's none. Maybe people my age think I look shabby, vulgair and out off tune when they see me on Facebook. But when turning all those questions down, I started to feel good about to have groomed myself again. Google didn't have a steady answer for me anyway. 

This neighbourhood doesn't withhold much fancy to normal young women I can copy when it comes to make-up, and care takers my age keep their looks basic. When I get to meet a woman my age around here, it's usually her easy-going 'taking care off the kids.' look. When she pushes a baby carriage or walks a dog. It's never like I get to see them with much make-up on. And fellow clients also simply don't. They don't wear it. They pluck their eyebrows tidy, but they don't do make-up often. Maybe that's my answer: That's what I'm supposed to do. But if I start to wonder about ordinairy young women in the outside world, it's hard to get an answer. Maybe I do look cheap to them on my Facebook profile picture, and out off tune. But I would honestly not know if that's right or wrong. I barely get to see them. I have no friends my age, no rivals to compete with, no women I look up to I can copy, none. I just do what I think is right. Just, bare faced, plucked eyebrows and neutral dyed hair. The world has to do it with that. I look like a psychiatric patient. It's the average look in here. Natural. Except for my glasses. But they don't mind about them. Oh well, as long as I'm not out off tune in here, I'm probably doing it right for now.

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 13th off March 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

The weather is grey, cloudy and dreary. It's truly working on our mood. 

*

This morning has been for soup making. I have been preparing classic Dutch vegetable soup for Wednesday Soup. But on chicken broth cube base, and with small soup meatballs. People loved their soup. And they loved the banana cake I made for them. I think I'm pretty spoiled since my soup is still with alphabet vermicelli. Vermicelli in the shape off letters. And my audience still loves it. 

I got the luck my Wednesday Soup is owed up by Leviaan at the community centre. So I don't have to pay it's costs. I can prepare soup each week on their costs. My fellow clients still see it as a treat each week. And who knows I cook them healthy by adjusting all that garlic, onion, vegetables and herbs to it. If I had a choice about it, I would eat more healthy. But I'm dependant on Leviaan (The care institute where I live) for my meals. (I pay a small amount off money for it, and that goes automatically.) I can't be picky, but every once a week I'm allowed to prepare fresh soup. 

I really have no clue what's in fashion for food these years. If there's food trends at all with this massive crisis going on. I must say I keep on holding on to trends from the '10's when it comes to food. But it was a good era for cooking. Cooking was a sincere trend, and they did a lot off cool inventions when it came to food. It's just that on myself, I can't afford that anymore. I think my fellow clients are lucky I have a place where I can cook it for them. Offcourse I would not dare to truly go crazy with soup. No billion euro ingredients for it, but fresh veggies, broth, spices.... those sort off things a commoner like me would have to owe up too much for if it wasn't granted to her. So, I still got a hint off luck with it. Maybe I'm just too spoiled I can still prepare soup like that. But it's a good thing. For me and my fellow clients, so they allow me to. And classic Dutch vegetable soup with letters and chicken broth has never been a trend, just something funny I invented myself. 

Those cheap days where perfect for food inventions and try outs. I even made a few cool discoveries in the kitchen myself. It's great to play with food like that. Inventions like my own receipe for banana cake. I sound old and a little outworn when I complain 'it can't be like that anymore.' I wonder if mankind will ever be so lucky with food again. If The World is going to see more great cookbooks, and if common household women like me can afford everything again one day. That would be great. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 13th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today the weather has been dreary and cloudy. One is to get moody from all that grey weather. 

*

I have been wondering for a long time on Why Mark van der Stelt would put up with what he has done, and maybe the answer is his loss off face. Not appologizing, scapegoating, agreeing on sexism, lying, The whole tearing me down part. Simply to safe his own ass, face and pride. Mark has been wrong to begin with. Vana should have appologized earlier on to me. But they put up this whole negative show to safe their face. It doesn't do well for the ambience when they do it like that. Especially with someone who simply does not understand the clue to these actions, cruel as they are. 

Saving your face? MARK! do you realize you have never looked like more off a dick before? Loss off face? He should have shown character 13 years ago, simply by appologizing. Not by putting up this whole sexism show. It makes their behaviour worse and worse by the years. And it doesn't look like it's going anywhere positive. And it means they have been truly spitting me out. A thing which I have never fully understood but simply by to picture the whole thing in my mind like this. 

I thought Mark and I had made up somewhere at the beginning off 2014, and then that stupid ass cunt off a wife off his came up with that owl- wickerbeast which looked like taring and scapegoating. AND then her itchy bitchy remark at Keltfest 2015. If you mean to have made up with me and mean well with me, you should not have done that. It ment war again. If you mean well with me, you don't bring up an owl about my weblog later on. And so, I re-started to blog. She should have known better. I keep on thinking she is very jealouse off me somehow. 

Somehow Vana has never looked like more off a dick before, and I'm innocent. I did not understand why she has done so. Except that she's after no good with me. I don't like the old snake. I never liked her. She seems prude at first, but oh woe of you get to meet her other side. It's a tyrant and a bitch and she is NOT trustworthy. I know the audience should know. Neither off them is to trust. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good afternoon at the 12th off March, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today the weather is dreary, cloudy and rainy. 

*

Tomorrow, my fellow clients are lucky I had brown bananas left, and everything else for banana cake except for nuts and eggs. They where lucky I purchased that yesterday when grocery shopping, and they're lucky they came out off their baking mold even. 

 

It's my common receipe for banana cake. And it's something I barely do anymore. They where lucky I even had coconut chives on stock for it. Just like flour, baking powder, baking soda and so on. People might get a little jealouse if they know what I still got. I still even got icing sugar on the shelves. It's not enough to make it through the entire crisis, I'm afraid. But for now? We're lucky with these, though I must say I'm out off cookie spices for now. It's said, tomorrow will be dreary too. It's a perfect mood enhancer for with our coffee. Thursday will finally be a good day when it comes to weather. But the besognes off a baking miss require to be capable to serve a good mood enhancer when it's nasty weather. So for now, usually, they're not that lucky anymore. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 11th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was perfect weather for staying in bed all the time. It has been dreary, cloudy with a mild rain and cold. Fresh enough to prefer the warmth off bed above daily life. But I was not in the position to do so. 

*

I wish to share some awesome electro jazz swing with you this evening. Classic and modern combined into a cool dance groove. 

I can recomend the Electro Jazz from Parov Stelar, music I recently discovered on YouTube. It's great for that vintage yet modern vibe, It's Charleston mixed with modern Electro swing. It's the kind off vintage vibe the style to this entire weblog is build upon. You can look up his other music on YouTube if you like it. 

I think I'm going to dislike when the whole vintage classic vibe off these years goes out off style. The 1920's-1950's are never out off style and class in my opinion. I just love it. Aside to music from the 1960's - 1980's. Some things never go out off style.  

Aside to music, today was for grocery shopping but without lipstick. Since I had a cold sore on my lips. Just a thick layer off lipbalm for me, but I wasn't about to kiss anyone today. 😉

I'm not doing well today. I'm wobbly these days. I feel mentally unstable. I feel like being in bed all the time. But health care doesn't allow me. One time I'm full with energy, the other time I feel like being in bed all the time. After gorcery shopping, I was in bed untill dinner. The luxury off just me in this household in a care home, is being capable to be in bed when I feel like that, not having to have to prepare dinner for someone. I would not like to be a burden to someone, and living in here gives me that freedom. I love to cook, and I cook well. But aside not being capable to afford, mental health is in the way today. So Leviaan saved my ass today. Like they do every day to me. It would just be brute off me not to cook for a hard working man when he comes home. But today, I couldn't help but feeling relief I don't have to. Being always tired is a big part off mental health. After dinner untill medication, I went back to bed. I just had meds, then went out to sit a while on te couch, look on the internet, and after this I go to sleep again. I'm glad I'm not a burden to a man. I do this quite often, namely. I'm thankfull Leviaan provides dinner. And care. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.   

Good afternoon at the 10th off March, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Today it's cold and cloudy in the Netherlands. 

*

This morning was for finally having my friend, the retired old zookeeper over for coffee. It was nice chit-chatting, and he is getting better from to have had bad health. Before, I didn't have the opportunity for coffee with him. He liked my Easter branch. 

I could start a statement on how having neighbours over for coffee and letting them admire your Easter decorations is also off importance for warfare. It's important to do so and still have these sorts off visits. What does it make it important for warfare? I think it is, but I just can't explain. I think it's the status that comes off from it. Some sort off 'Look what we still got.' To the Russians. I don't know how to put this, but is it truly usefull? Well, my neighbour had a good time. Liking an Easter branch, complimenting me on my good taste off living, and conversating with me about life.  The good energy off friendship that goes beyond borders off age. That makes it also important to me. What we do won't cause peace. It's just been coffee in a nice home among friends. 

So how is this well put togheter home, aside to having coffee and admiring an Easter branch off true importance for a war? It's how a British home maker from WWII would have done it in her days. 'As if nothing is going on.' ? No, it's a statement that life is still good in here. And they haven't taken that away from us yet. It's not perfect to live here. But even during a war, it stands firm. It's something to be proud off. And my pride is displayed in this small yet cozy home. It's even a bit decadent. (For a small care home.) If this was anything bigger than this flat, I could not have put up with it. I don't know if it truly helps waging this war this way. Maybe I'm just silly, and should not even do an attempt in showing off pride. But to me personal, it's better than dwelling in dirt, feeling sad all the time. I have no clue if it's good or bad, but at least I did an attempt to do something. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.     

Good afternoon at the 8th off March, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

Just like expected- this day is sunny yet cold. 

*

This day I have a day off. I decided to kick my own ass, and purchase an Easter branch and decorate, and place some other Easter decorations inside my home. 

I had purchased some new Easter branch pendants some weeks ago. It would have been a waste not to use them. Decorating my branch cheered me up today. Depression did not win, and this branch makes me more happy the upcoming weeks, and decorating for Easter is a feminin way off waging this war. They can't neck us in our pride, and our cozy and tidy homes. Mr. and Mrs. Easter rabbit are from previous year, but timeless decorations and still nice. 

Why is placing Easter decoration a way off waging war? Well, I think it's showing the world how everything is still fine over here. It's a feminin and sophisticated way off showing off, but I think I'm not doing too much, since that would be innapropriate. Though it's more than it was before the war in my case. I'm trying to wage this war like a WWII British home maker. (Housewife would make me somebody's wife, which I'm not.) Clean home, old style furniture, nice decorations for Easter are part off it. I honestly think it can bind a man. If I was more than I am today. But still, I do my best in being a good home maker. I hope it will make me feel proud when this war is done. Though I haven't raised kids, a man or even a cat with it. Maybe that's also why placing Easter decorations these days is a good idea: It hopefully makes me feel proud when I look back on it. At least I hope so. And I should be proud I haven't let the leppards and the depression win. Easter decorations these years? It's a good thing! 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.    

Good morning at the 8th off March, 2024.

 Good morning everyone, 

This morning it's clear and bright yet cold outside. It's promising to become cold and sunny today. It's probably for morning coffee at de Boed's terrace at their back yard. 

*

I feel like scrooching Easter this year. I'm not in the mood to decorate for it. I saw the local swimming pool to have put up their decorations, but I don't feel like placing mine this period. Maybe because I think Easter is on the early side. 

I should be in a holiday mood, but I think it's the war in Ukraine and the whole situation in the world that makes me feel less festive this year. There's a massive war going on! Big ass crisis, people. It's not appropriate to stunt with bunnies, eggs and chicks. And that overdose off pastels. I know it's a thing from the church, and they have to have it their way, no matter what. But to me, Easter means the beginning off spring. The first full moon off spring, officially seen. That weekend we celebrate Easter. It's mainly having two days off fancy dinner and breakfast with my family. We're not religious. If I owe it up to the Pagan gods, I simply hope they're tolerant and forgive me for not being in the right mood for Easter. My moody depression leppards are in the way this year. 

My mom suggested to at least place a bush off yellow flowers on the table, to celebrate the beginning off spring. But not even that. I feel too cranky for that, either. 

Today I didn't feel too cranky to paint my nails. I felt like a little nail polish this morning. I'm typing you this while it dries. To blog is perfectly to let my nails dry. I put the shade 'Bingo Flamingo.' by Essence on my nails. Sometimes, a cute, funny name does it for make-up. And it works out perfectly on me. I think it's time for tea 😉 

Part off the feminine way off waging war, in my opinion, is to put up your Easter decorations, tastefull and elegant. Like every year and not to let yourself being set up by Russians. It's how I think it's supposed to be done. But just for this 'waging war.' thing? Maybe I should keep on that track, who knows I might find inspiration and fuel for it. 

 Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

  

  

Good evening at the 7th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny yet windy and cold. Winter gets over to spring. 

*

Facebook had a bug, it was good enough to bite the tail off my Schizophrenia. I believed I was hacked ans right-winged secret services wanted to take it down, because I was a threat to national safety. Due to my letter to the newspaper. If people would look me up and see I'm left-winged, I could influence the elections. But it turned out to be a bug. 

I'm weary off secret services. I constantly think there's a spy in my computer. Litterally commenting on what's on screen and voices coming out off my laptop. 

What if a sane guy would see something in me? That passes my mind, too. I can't help but thinking I need the 'we need to talk.' sentence for that. 

'Listen, son. We need to talk about this before it gets out off hand. I'm a psychiatric patient, with a governmental wage living in a care home. I'm NOT fit and sane enough for daily life. If you haven't seen me for real, I think my real life appearance would make you pass me by at least ignorant, but probably it makes you disgusted. I'm 6 foot tall, I weigh more than 180 kilograms and I wear thick glasses.' (In Western Europe, I count as too much for people.) 'And I need medication, I function badly in real life, and I got bad condition. You would not think off me the same if you knew me in real life.' Especially given the stigma there is on people like me. I would not be capable to be a good wife, and I can't be a mother. There is no future for me with a normal guy in the ordinairy world. Aside to that, I'm less sharp in real life than I tend to be on the internet. I think sharp, but I don't react as cool as I do on here. And I'm declared mildly autistic on top off everything. I'm too difficult for the ordinairy public, that's why I'm put in here. Don't think you make an exception.' 

I can think off a millon con's on why an ordinairy guy should not want me. I'm declared anti-social autistic. I am anti-social. A normal guy would get sick off it. I think we got the reason for why making real life friends is so hard: Autism and Schizophrenia. And ugly obesity. I got admirers in real life, mainly too old fellow clients who love my cooking. But I keep my sane distance to them. 

I happen to tried to impress a young, admirable care taker this morning by bragging about Mexican Nacho soup from the Soup Bible, but I had a kind but always filthy fellow client who I see as unsuitable litterally drooling over it. (drooling can be a side effect to medication.) Pushing the care taker away with his walkng frame. And staring at me like I was the admirable one before they had to take off to get his medication. 

The young care taker I feel a click with is A. Out off my reach, and B. Not impressed to begin with, probably. To brag is probably not the way. It's how men try to impress women. And even then it's not a guarantee for succes. People my age I find suitable are mainly care takers who are not allowed. And perfect soup making from 'The one and only Soup Bible, hearhearhear.' this Wednesday... I'm afraid I'm just a client in his eyes. And big, fat and ugly, and my hair was blowing in my face all the time from it being windy outside. It could have been a perfect sketch for a comedy. But that's how far my love life reaches: Completely desperate. I got the luck I'm at the point where I try to be as clean as I can get myself each day. So I don't have to be embarassed by it anymore. But pretty? Naw, I'm not good at that whole 'love interest.' - stuff. Just being stupid old me. Care takers are not allowed. But I can't help being a bit mesmerized by this one. He has the luck off being a Pisces from the end off February,  (The beginning off the Pisces period.) and that whole Leo-Pisces magic works between us. It's usually the Leo being struck by it. (Me) But I don't know if it's luck or bad luck to us both. He's such a sweetie. The world misses a guide. Something especially for Leo-women on 'How to catch that Pisces.' Since I feel a bit hopeless with it. But maybe that's a good thing since it's a care taker. My natural respond, is a form off bragging. Trying to impress. But maybe that's not the way. But so far so good: I'm not allowed with him. 

Normal men should safe their ass and scorf off to sane business when it comes to me. I'm no option. 😉  

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

     

Good afternoon at the 6th off March, 2024.

 Good afternoon everyone, 

This afternoon the weather is sunny and bright, changing with clouds.

*

This morning was for mild Mexican Nacho soup. (Without a spicy pepper.) Mexican style paprika soup with cream cheese people can dip nacho's into. I discovered I love the taste off coriander to it. Some say it tastes like soap, while others love it. I'm in the last category. If food wasn't so expensive, I would like to make chicken mango chutney wraps with crunchy salad vegetables and coriander in it. But I'm dependant on de Boed, so I have to eat my meals there. And creative dishes like these are not likely to be on their menu. Next week it's all depressing potatoes, vegetables and meat for dinner. I have to accept it the way it is. I think they won't allow me to make mango chutney chicken wraps at de Boed for dinner. Sometimes I'm just a poor old cowgirl myself, low on money and having to accept circumstances how it is.  But the coriander served with my soup, tasted great. 

I feel like ending my weblog for today at this point. I simply have no energy anymore, and all I wanted to share with you was the soup story off the day. 😉

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 5th off March, 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

There's no news about the weather so far- it's still dark outside. 

*

Question: Are you greedy? 

I know about some rumours about my incredible greed. But to be honest, I think I'm not much diffrent than most common people. I can hold myself back during this crisis, not hoarding in one new item after the other and doing with what I got so far to save out on money. And it's not like when commercialism comes out with a brand new item, I desperately need it in my life or I'm about to die. Or one new expensive item after the other simply because 'I need to, and I can.' That's spoiled behaviour. I grant myself cool new items and luxury sometimes, but I think I'm down to earth enough to say I'm not spoiled. During this crisis, it's less than it used to be, but that counts for most people I assume. I think we all need to use our common senses when we need to grid our teeth. Or when we're simply not that rich. 

Another thing is, I purchase, but I don't replace and throw away so easily. Also, especially during these times I keep on conserving items. I don't see the need off replacing tools off every day use so easily when we're content with them. To be honest, if we're sober we can use good stuff and items for a long time. It doesn't need to be replaced with the latest fashion change. I have been collecting items that can withstand change off fashion and which don't go out off style so easily. I think I can use them for times to come. 

I think I'm greedy when I'm wealthy enough for it. Other than that, I conserve a lot. I like to use my common sense with it. So I'm not desperately greedy. But sometimes I like to putchase cool new items. If that's good enough for an answer. 😉 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 5th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was gloomy, dreary and rainy. 

*

I feel wobbly and out off balance. I'm not doing well in my head. Today I had spring vibes on a rainy day, and had put on a pink t-shirt while it was rainy and dark outside. I had not checked the weather for today. I better don't do that again. It made all leppards in my head go crazy. No, I'm serious. I feel bad this week. I know there are tons off people out there who say I should not mind about the weather if I want to dress in pink, but maybe that's what made me feel out off tune today. Though I have been complaining about doing bad ever since Sunday. I have the luck to live here. Compared to other people, I'm death lucky with my home and health care. I'm clean washed, fed and my hair is cut for a bargain. I got that cool shoulder length haircut that's in fashion due to this care home. Though I combine it with thick glasses I have to wear. But still, the glamour 😉 

No, serious, if I fall death this evening, that'd be a waste off materials and bargains. I better live to tell the tale off this crisis. If I maintain, I'm certain I will outlive this crisis and war. But sometimes care takers can't say it better: 'If you go, you go.' And that's about death. If I gotta go, I gotta go. But I don't want to. I want to proudly tell the tale later on. I don't know who will listen if I don't have grandchildren. Local TV or the newspaper probably. They have short documentairies about old people who outlived WWII in it sometimes. Maybe I will end up like that with my tale later on. Let's be positive, maybe some day someone has something about my tale. Maybe inspiration to continue during hard times. But it matters if I outlive these times or not if I want it to be like that. I'm a bit cranky and sarcastic due to the feeling in my head this evening. 

Still, the home is fresh and clean, and my bed is fresh and clean today. Plus clean pyjama's. My endless fight to stay fresh seems to be won for today by me. I don't wear fancy clothing, but I try to ensure it's fresh and clean. It's such a good thing, especially during these times, to make sure you're at least clean. So you can use it as a statement. 'No matter what they say about me being cheap, at least I'm always clean!' Or in that fashion. I think that's a good thing for us (My generation, younger people and simply the poor) to keep some dignity in it despite it has to be so cheap. It's a little less bad if you keep clean. 

It's also been my New Year's resolution for this year: To keep myself and the home clean. And so far it works. It goes better than a diet. I do smuggle, to be honest, but in general? Not that bad! It's something to be proud off in these lethal times. I must admit that it's with help. It's not just me who does it. Health care helps with a lot. But I do my parts and adjust to it. It's clean without it not being cozy. It's a perfect home for these days. What's also a part off it, is that it's a good mind set-off off things. To keep buisy with cleaning gives something on hands, and we can be proud off ourselves we do so. It's my way off dealing with the war to keep this home (almost) tidy. It's not perfect, but I feel it counts. 

It's my advice to anyone who wishes to have something on hands to keep dignity, their minds set off and something worthit and usefull to be proud off during these hard times: Good house cleaning. Keep your place tidy and clean, and you will have something good for yourself to look back on. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.              

Good evening at the 3th off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was cloudy with here and there a ray off sunshine. 

*

News off the day: I got published with a send in letter to the weekend edition to the local newspaper. With my name and town. 

It's in Dutch, it's a small letter where I recomend the people to use a good old cookbook from the old days they might have on their ceiling, or which can be found at a second hand shop, to teach all those still at their parents living young adults to cook well. I think people in their 20's, still living with their parents, should be taught how to cook well. That's what it comes down to. Even if it has to be with the help off an old cookbook. (People probably already own, their grandparents might own, or which can be found easily and cheap second hand.) And the newspaper thought it was worthit publishing. 💖 My opinion probably matters. And all care takers who read agree with me. And say I can be proud off myself. Though this causes nerves with me. I don't know if I should do it again if it causes such nerve wrecks. I don't expect to be recognized tomorrow in the local supermarket. But still, it's a bit much. It's been published in Noord-Hollands dagblad, editie Zaanstreek. I covered my name in this picture. 

I'm not really good at this whole 'Being famous.' thing. It's a bit too much  for me at times. I like to keep relatively anonimity in my own Noord-Holland. Where I can walk the streets without trouble. 

The appeltaart was a succes this Sunday. Though I told my fellow clients not to expect bakings from me anymore as frequent as I used to. I think they accepted. But the applepie went in with them perfectly. It tasted as perfect as it did at home, with my parents. Since I used my all-time favourite receipe for it. Almost as if I shared something intimate and personal with them. But it's how it's at it's best in my opinion. How I've been taught by my late dad to make it. But I think we all needed that spirit enhancer today. It made a boring Sunday that much better. It comes from the vintage cookbook I recommended in the newspaper. 😉  I just gave my own twist to it. So, being able to cook well really matters. I simply hope my public letter is agreed upon by people. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 2nd off March, 2024, 3.

 Good evening everyone, 

I have no news about the weather so far, but it's dark and the day has ended. 

*

I think it's urgent to point at you we should not be optimistic about the current economy, and neither for the upcoming two years. It's a lie to try to be too positive and try to give it an optimistic, positive twist, no matter how hard we crave one. So all the luxurious fashion trends? Unapropriate! Especially for the common, normal households who suffer from this. We are seeing a change in fashion trends, from natural and cheap to too luxurious because 'we crave it.' 

Really, it's despicaple. People should not go overboard with luxury and trends this year. There is NO MONEY for that, we can barely get OUR BASICS covered. An attempt to luxury and going overboard with it is perverted and STUPID. DON'T! Don't go after those big sunglases and fur coats! it's simply not there yet. Keep your feet on the ground. We are probably doing worse than what we know so far. Keep it sane with money! 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading. 

Good evening at the 2nd off March, 2024, 2.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today has been perfectly sunny for a day at the beginning off March. 

*

I have an issue, it's not the end off the world, but I'm no longer capable to give away laundry wash and shower stuff from multipack parcels. Simply because I decided to use it up myself first. It's become expensive on the internet, so the fellow residents to this small flat building have no luck with it anymore. I have donated a lot previous year. But I have to put myself first. I'm clean and washed these days, due to my habit to hoard those bargains. I think this year Santa Claus won't excist for them anymore. But it's a massive crisis. I hope they understand. 

I have been probably the only one donating. I don't see anything in the give away closet down the hall anymore. But I'm washed and clean due to my stock off shower and laundry products. It's all A-brands, in a county place like Zaanstad, where the economy is on it's flat ass, and people are as poor as the streetbricks, that's not too bad. Nowadays I'm only likely to purchase again when something is truly needed. Not because 'It's a nice bargain, oh look!' I have to draw the line there these days. 

It's first world problems, but the brand off laundry wash came out with new scents I can't try. But I can still wash with them. And soften my laundry with them. I just can't donate bottles off it anymore down the hall. Luckily, no one off my neighbours knew I was the person donating that. I hope they did not steadily expect that from me somehow. They have to purchase their own goods these days. I could also put it rude: 'Mock off, you profiteers! It's about time for you to purchase your own laundry softner!!!' But I'm not like that. I'm not rude, they just have to do without my donations nowadays. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.  

Good evening at the 2nd off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

Today was sunny and bright for a pre-spring day. 

*

This afternoon was for baking a messy appeltaart. It's not tidy, like it's supposed to be, with fancy checkers, but it's my style, which is more off a crumble version. 😏

It comes down to crumbly applepie with a crunchy crust, cookie spices (From supermarket.) And raisins. And because I felt I had to, custard powder. I hope my fellow clients at de Boed will like it. I think I have adjusted a little too much sugar to the apple filling, I hope it's no issue. It's for tomorrow (Sunday) afternoon coffee.  

I simply did not feel like taking more effort to it than this. I could not set myself to it. Somehow I feel a depression coming up where I can't set myself to things. Like taking notes to the client council, doing dishes after dinner and making work off my appearance more than getting dressed. To work is out off the question when I feel like that. Simply to sit in the sun and just be is all I can when I feel that way. Not too much in the sun, since I feel I can get sunburned with my sensitive, pale skin. But a little sunshine in the morning with my coffee, and then work off my scheldue, but people should not require things from me when I feel like that, even though I felt the energy for fresh soup making again, which was lost for almost a year. 

I've read somewhere Dragons (Chinese zodiac) prefer it simple in life when it comes to style. The female dragons I've met don't fit into that profile. I think their style is cool and groomed, maybe not soft and feminine and fluffy, but still dressed up. It's usually cool and most off the time I can't help but saying I love them. It's nothing less than love with dragons. I can't use 'year off the dragon, they like to keep it simple.' As an excuse. The female dragons I've met prefer cool over soft. 'Oh, you're so cool, but I can't help thinking off you as very sweet. I just loooove you!' But that's my personal opinion on them. But I got an astrology book which says dragons like to keep it simple when it comes to style. But I can't shove this simple appeltaart off to that. Simple but tasty and delicious. I can't shove a depression where I like to keep it simple off to that, dragon is known as a sign off energy and positivity, and it's a match with the monkey. The dragon is probably not the cause.

Despite the Chinese zodiac speaking for me, I can't help thinking off the world as cruel and unkind. I can't help it. It's something I caught up with. I slack the energy again. Spring is around the corner, and so is easter. It should cheer me up. There's daffodils out already at the Gortershof garden. During spring time, this place is covered in daffodils siding the streets. It's such a lovely sight, But I can't help it. I slack the energy and the will-power to be off use and to work with. I can't help it, I feel this small dip coming up. I believe I do harm to nobody with it. I'm just annoying. And this feeling is in the way. What works with, is the light. Light in the morning and later in the evening work positive on me, despite the daffodils not having much off an effect on me. Sometimes I wonder, this place is pretty old. Did they already plant those flower bulbs in the 1950's? They still blow in spring time. Like every year. I think they're older than me somehow. But I think I won't see an answer to that. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.      

Good evening at the 1st off March, 2024.

 Good evening everyone, 

This morning started off sunny and I have been enjoying coffee at de Boed's backyard terrace this morning. Starting this afternoon, it's become dreary and rainy and gloomy again. 

*

So, today was for simply enjoying my coffee in the morning sun and having a small walk around the block. I have nothing to do on Friday and I wanted to keep it calm and simple today. I have been loudly discussing something with myself. A little too loud for the surrounding, probably. Namely, what treat to do for my birthday. My birthday is at the 5th off August, but I wanted to think ahead to it. 

I came to the conclusion off home made lemon cakes. Before the crisis, they might have been a bit too shabby, but three well-made yoghurt lemon cakes (Maybe with a bit off lime adjusted to it.) Are nowadays a luxury and I personally think they're perfectly tasty. I think it's nothing too shabby and perfect for a humble 32th birthday. Especially during this crisis. Before this crisis, I think they might have appeared a bit cheap, but nowadays I think nobody should complain and they're off my personal taste that good. I really love them. To discuss that out loud during a walk around the local duck pond might not have been the best idea, but nobody came after me. It comes with my handicap to talk to myself out loud in public and I can't help it. Sometimes I even sound a bit violent. Conclusion to the discusion: Home made lemon-lime cakes are perfect for the occasion, and they're not too shabby during this era. 

It's perfect weather for a cup off tea and some further mumbling on the couch. It's rainy outside this evening. Maybe you remember how I used to brag to sit in the sun with my morning coffee is my biggest luxury. And that still counts. When the sun isn't that warm, early in the year, it's priceless to be out. I think it's a hint for everyone, also during this era: Take a seat outside and have a hot drink in the morning when the sun shines. It doesn't cost a thing. And you will feel like a million dollars. 

I love to drink pure green tea by the way. It's such a health enhancer. It's also a trend from some time ago, but I still do it. If people ask me, I tell them 'It's my beauty secret.' It probably is, given I don't do much anymore to keep my skin as beautifull as I used to. I used to be more off a fanatic with skincare, but beauty depression mobbed it. That's all I wish to say about it for now, it went from filmstar perfect to ordinairy kid. But it's still without pimples and I still have a good complexion. So, green tea and no smoking, kids! 

I think red bush tea is on trend nowadays, I'm just not certain. Red bush purifies blood and is also perfect for a clear skin. I have it sometimes. To drink a lot off pure tea doesn't do bad for people! Maybe red bush is more cheap these days for people to drink it more. It makes green tea such a '10's trend. But I can't help it, it's been my youth and like most people, I somehow like to stick to some aspects from it. Just like Broccoli-Zuchinni soup. Somehow I feel even being a Millenial is outdated. Big companies dwell on Generation Z everywhere. We're out off fashion... We do bad these days and they already replaced us with the younger generation. We're supposed to be work force and parents. But a lot off us still live at our parental homes with bad paying jobs. Not being capable to afford life. That's these times. And in the Netherlands, there are too little homes for our generation which forces us to stay at our parents longer. I myself don't have to deal with that. I have a small home and no need to work since I'm sick. But it's a very low income which forces me to live in here. And work with what comes to me. Just like most fellow clients. 

But still, I got green tea, a warm home and my own roof above my head. And this place is clean and smells fresh. (A care taker complimented me yesterday on how my home smells fresh. No smoking kids! And to air by to open windows regulairly!) What more can a young girl wish for? I have no place for anything or anyone else, but it's sincere luxury. Even though my budget and health care don't even allow me a cat. It's big luxury to me to pet a kitty every day. But I'm not allowed one. That's what a girl can wish for. Other than that, nothing. But I got green tea, and fresh air, and not the burden to have to take care off anything or anyone. Some say that's luxurious. Simply not to have to take care off someone. Just to live life for yourself. There's something to say for it. Everything has it's pro's and it's con's. But believe it or not, I'm fine. No matter how you look at it, it's not a big miss as long as life still has fullfillment to me. 

Allright, that's about it for now- 

Thank you for reading.